I'm 31, and my boyfriend of one year was mostly demeaning and sullen, except when he wanted something. But I liked the physical companionship and having someone to hang out with.

The last straw was when he went out of town with an ex-girlfriend the weekend of my birthday.

I blocked him from my phone and email and have no intention of speaking to him again.

But I don't understand why I stayed that long. I know I'm smart, attractive, and independent, with plenty of hobbies and a busy job. However, I've never been attracted to a man who wants me - just those who are a "challenge."

I'm angry at my ex, and at myself. All I can think of is how to make him feel as badly as I do.

Back At Him!

Plotting revenge, even if only imaginary, just keeps you attached emotionally. It also confirms your pattern of going for the negative - a Bad Boy who doesn't want you, and, when it's over, how you can get back at him rather than move on.

You need some positive thinking about yourself. Knowing you've got all the good stuff clearly isn't enough. You need to believe it, and stop settling for anyone who doesn't see, respect, and celebrate all that's wonderful about you.

Maybe there were putdowns and no encouragement in your childhood. But therapy to dig into the roots of your poor choices in men will help you.

My mother-in-law, 75, makes no effort to include us in her life. The onus is on us to invite her here or make arrangements to get together. She won't drive in the dark or if there's a chance of rain or snow. She lives almost a half hour away so it's not always convenient for us to pick her up and take her back home, which we've done occasionally.

She rarely calls unless she needs us to do something for her. Dinner invitations dropped off (two per year). She has no health problems and cooks good meals for herself but won't even get barbequed chicken to host us.

She treats us to dinner out, once a year. She has few friends, no hobbies, or activities. Her husband died two years ago. They were somewhat "hands-off" grandparents.

She's a very nice woman, not difficult to get along with. We try to see her every three weeks - always a reminder that we're the ones going out of our way for her.

It's caused us tension. My husband won't discuss this with her.

How do I deal with my growing anger and resentment?

Annoyed

I hope you remember your complaints when you're 75.... because you sure don't get it now, that people that age change, especially when they've lost a partner.

Your mother-in-law has no life to include you. Having been "hands off" before, she's become more withdrawn, more isolated, and needs her son and you to stay involved.

Out of self-interest about what's "inconvenient" (driving a half-hour, both ways) you've missed the point that she's not seeing friends or having dinners for others. The clear message is that she has less energy/ interest for socializing, and is very possibly depressed. Even buying prepared food and serving it seems like too much.

Yet she's still "a nice woman, easy to get along with," and more important, your family.

Pay more attention to her, suggest she get checked for depression (explain it can counter her good nutrition efforts), and help make her life feel more enjoyable.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose lover wants her to leave her children behind (Feb. 9):

Reader - "I've been there and nearly lost everything. I had four kids within six years. Motherhood can sap the life out of a marriage, leaving you exhausted, emotionally drained, and building up hurts and resentments.

"Combine that with new-found freedom, once kids are in school, to experience a new relationship... and the end results can be more miserable than how she feels right now.

"Can she really trust a man who's willing to woo another man's wife?

"I encourage her to stay with her husband who loves her, and put her energy into renewing her marriage. She should have an affair with her husband.

"I'm doing everything I can to restore my marriage, although my husband may never be able to love me the way he used to, because of the damage I caused."