My boyfriend of three years has gone out with friends on occasions, and gotten other women's phone numbers. I've learned that when he talks to them, he doesn't say that he has a girlfriend.

I also recently found that he has an online account with a dating/sex site. I found a file of pictures downloaded and erased. He admitted he was getting pictures from another woman, since last year.

He says it's only about getting photos. But I feel that he's lying to me, and hasn't told her about me.

I feel that he doesn't respect me or care about the relationship. I've asked him if there's something he's not happy or satisfied with. He's always said no.

Confused

Stop asking if HE's unhappy and focus on the fact that you should not be satisfied with this guy. He's a low-level player... and behaving like a cheater-in-training. He still needs/wants lots of female attention beyond yours, but is holding onto you for security and comfort.

Take a break and tell him you don't want to see him again until he's finished for good with "shopping" elsewhere. Count yourself lucky if he's out for good, because even a promise that he's changed can't be trusted for certain.

When my now husband and I were dating, I lied to him about something in order to get attention. I was going through a lot then (anorexia, alcohol abuse). I saw the hurt I was creating in our relationship, didn't want to lose him, and got help through a counsellor.

Fast-forward three years - we're married, traveling, working, and generally have a very happy relationship, with mutual respect and we love one another very much.

I couldn't live with the guilt of my lie, and I recently told him the truth. I didn't want him to view me as the person that this lie portrayed.

Now he's saying that he loves me but that the lie had caused him so much angst and hurt, that he doesn't know if he can trust me. I apologized, and asked what I could do to help him move past this.

He wants to speak with a counsellor to get help dealing with the betrayal of trust and how the lie made him feel. I'm worried that our marriage is ending.

What if he cannot move past this? I've explained that this horrible lie occurred when I was troubled and that I got help in order to better myself so that our relationship could grow. What can I do to help?
It wasn't a lie about cheating, just a foolish, non-intimate action that did involve another man. But it made him look at me differently. Meanwhile, he's spent at least three years knowing the real me.
Lost

The fact that the "lie" involved another man - even though there was no intimacy - hurt him deeply. And now he has to accept that it didn't happen at all. He feels foolish, embarrassed at the pain he felt at that time, when all along you knew it was unnecessary. He's mortified, and that makes him untrusting now.

He needs/deserves more than an apology. Ask to go to some therapy sessions with him, and work very hard to convey your understanding of how he feels NOW about what happened.

You were troubled back then, but he's troubled today. Stop explaining yourself and show him the compassion he needs to get past this.

What questions would you ask a group of people who aren't getting along, but are reluctant to admit it?

For a school project, I must figure out how to discover if there are internal problems between group members by interviewing them. What are questions I could ask that wouldn't give away my purpose?
Seeking Help

You need to understand the purpose of a school project like this, which is to develop the best approach from your own research and the work you've studied in class. It's more helpful to your learning process, to do the groundwork yourself, rather than my doing it for you.

The project is about group behaviour and about communication skills - yours and theirs. Research "internal discord in groups" (and related search words) to learn how such rifts develop, how sides are taken, etc. From that material, some obvious questions should come to your mind, to ask individual members.