One of my college friends, who was in the same social work program as me, stopped working when she got married and had twins. Not out of the ordinary in any way, especially as neither she nor her husband have family in the same city.

I had twins a few years after her, and we spent quite a bit of time together, with our babies, and she was very helpful in many ways. Fast forward a decade, and all our children are in school full time (I went on to have another). Both of our husbands do well enough financially, but financial stress is still an issue for both families.

I have returned to work, mainly because I love what I do, but also because we need the added income. My three children seem to cost more and more every year. She hasn’t yet gone back to work.

Now she calls me midday, at least three times a week, to chat. I’m happy to talk to her - we’re very good friends – but her conversation now consists of a lot of complaining about how bored she is, and how much nothing she is so busy doing. It’s getting tiresome. Is this friendship coming to an end?

Tiresome Tirade

Not necessarily. Friendships can go in waves. You mentioned she was a college friend, and then you reconnected when you both had children around the same age. In between college and motherhood, it sounds as though your friendship took a break, for whatever reason. This could just be another dip in time when you’re not on the same wavelength.

You don’t have to answer your phone every time she calls; or you can answer, check in, but then get back to your work before she has the chance to start complaining.

You could also suggest that she get back in the game. Maybe she’s nervous to go back into the work force and calls to dip her toes in; maybe she wants to hear more about what you’re doing because she’s interested. You could encourage her to get back to what she loved.

Readers Commentary Regarding the worried dad concerned about his young son starting high school next year (Dec. 6):

“He expressed concern over his introverted son finding friends to eat lunch with. Our family has lived that experience. I understand his worry and have a few ideas.

“First, take advantage of the intro to high school program most school boards offer during the end of summer.  Your son’s current teachers will be able to help with information and registration that usually takes place in the spring. This program is amazing for so many reasons as it helps alleviate lots of anxieties; the kids get a chance to be in the school building itself; as well as meet students from the other feeder schools. Lots of new friendships emerge.

“Second, if possible, have your son make a concrete plan to meet up with a friend for lunch on the first day of school; the other lunches will likely happen naturally after that.

“Third, most high schools offer clubs and activities during lunch.  Staff know there are kids who are looking for places to be and belong during lunches. Explore what is offered by calling the school now to see what a good fit might be.

“Lastly, if he has any interest in the performing arts, encourage him to explore it as that community is often an amazing group of kids and teachers who are super accepting and supportive of all different types of people.”

Reader’s Commentary and Retraction Regarding a feedback (Nov. 28) in response to a mother whose children don’t resemble her (Oct. 25):

“I was upset to see the use of an ethnic slur in the feedback, in which the Roma people were referred to as gypsies. While this has historically been a term used in reference to this group, it is now largely considered an ethnic slur and is best to be avoided. Even in the scientific community we’re moving away from using the term, for example, the gypsy moth is now being called the spongy moth.

“While I’m sure no offense was meant, it really wasn’t necessary and should not have been included at all.”

Lisi – My sincerest apologies. I thought it was helpful, mentioned once and in parentheses, for those who don’t recognize who the Rom(a) people are by name. But I would have removed it had I known it would have offended.