My sister lives in her own distorted world, separate from the rest of us. We grew up with a younger brother, loving parents, involved grandparents and extended family, pets, vacations and a nice home; we wanted for nothing. Our mother was a successful dentist, and our father was a savvy businessman.

My siblings and I all went to university, paid for by our parents. My brother is about to become a dentist himself, and I’m an accountant. My sister always wanted to be a veterinarian, so she attended vet school after undergrad. She had some difficulties, some mental health issues, and never finished her degree.

She now sits at home, smokes a lot of pot, and walks dogs. My parents have helped her a lot financially.

The other day, she was over, and we got in a fight. She was exclaiming how she’s had a very hard life, and I should be nicer to her. This because I asked her to leave before my fiancé came home and saw her high as a kite and reeking of marijuana. Now we’re not talking and I’m the “bad guy” because I “kicked her out of my house.”

How do I deal with this?

Suspect Sister

It’s hard to speak rationally with someone who is perpetually high. But she’s your sister, so try. If you get nowhere, talk to your brother. See if he can help.

It sounds to me as though your sister needs help, and you’re all young enough for her to have a chance at a healthy, productive life.

 

I belong to a local community-run gym where I swim daily.  I pay extra to use the more exclusive change room, with a locked door and membership.

For years, an elderly lady has come into this change room around the time I’m done with my workout, showering and getting dressed.  Having watched my mom decline and pass away from Alzheimer's, I believe something similar is happening to this lady. She is ageing, very frail and walks with a cane.

Her son brings her to the facility but doesn't pay any attention to her once he has dropped her off at this change room.  I have watched her decline over the years and now she doesn't even work out anymore.  She just comes in, uses the toilet (usually #2), after which she fails to wash her hands; she'll often eat some food and sometimes does a few stretches.  She is very deaf, and one must yell to speak with her.

The other day she stood in her hat and coat, holding onto a wall (supposedly stretching) and watched my friend and I get dressed after our showers. We were very uncomfortable.

The change room is locked and doesn't have a lot of foot traffic. If she were to fall, she could be there for a long time before someone finds her.
I have spoken to her son about my concerns, but he doesn’t seem to care.  I resent the stress I feel whenever I hear her arrive, as I go to the facility to relax.
I have spoken to staff, but don't know what else to do.  Any advice?

Stranger stress

You say you’ve spoken to staff… what was their response? If nothing, can you escalate and talk to a manager/supervisor? I would suggest that the next time you see her, either you or someone else in the change room brings a female manager in. She can chat with her, observe her behaviour, and make further recommendations.

There’s not much you can do as she has the same rights as you to be there, but her safety and well-being trump that.

FEEDBACK Regarding the child who has been through a traumatic experience (Nov. 28):

Reader – “As the brother of a schizophrenic, I want to point out that the symptoms and age of the fourth child in question, could be consistent with the onset of schizophrenic symptoms. These often start to become evident around the age of 20.  I believe you should recommend a thorough physical and psychiatric assessment in this case, in addition to the other parental support you have suggested.”

Lisi – Absolutely! I 100 per cent agree.

FEEDBACK Regarding scared wordless (Dec. 7):

Reader #1 – “Cognitive decline, or impairment such as this individual is experiencing, may also be a consequence of one or more infections with SARS-CoV-2. The public is underestimating the long-term effects of this virus.”

Reader #2 – “It could also be a symptom of menopause. There are about 48 symptoms associated with menopause, but most people just think of the hot flashes.”