I’ll be getting married in five months and am having second thoughts. 

Ever since we got engaged, her attitudes towards intimacy, emotion and wanting to be with me have fallen off the radar. I practically have to beg her for a kiss and whenever I put my arm around her she pulls it off. She barely smiles and makes every excuse to keep me from getting close.

Her explanation is that she’s under stress from school and planning a wedding. I currently work two jobs to pay for this wedding and am assisting her in every way possible with the wedding. She says my reactions to this problem are unwarranted.

I suggested we see a therapist prior to getting married and she just waffles. I try to keep the spark alive by suggesting we do things on weekends that she enjoys, but she finds reasons to not do anything.

If this is how it is now, I’m afraid to see know how it’ll be in five to 10 years... if we even make it that far.

- Shut Out

Postpone the wedding: 1) It will allow time to probe why you BOTH seem to have second thoughts; and/or 2) get her to realize the consequences of her behaviour. 

She needs to understand that it’s unfair to respond to stress – especially chosen stress - by shutting out your partner. Explain that your positive intent is to work together on fixing this hurtful, and deteriorating situation. Otherwise, your marriage will start off with her exhausted and you resentful.

However, if you both re-confirm your commitment and come together to find a better timeline, you’ll be far more relaxed and happy when the Big Day comes.

Warning: If she takes this as rejection (just as you feel now) a break may be the healthiest option.

My stepson, 28, has his girlfriend stay over every Thursday till Monday afternoon. My wife and I have no problem with them sleeping together but the girlfriend isolates herself. 

They mostly order out, our son gets her food, and then disappears down the basement with her. We hardly see her though she’s practically living here.

She seems like a nice girl but I wouldn’t mind having some privacy in our very small house. They never stay at her mother’s house.

- Never Alone

Take the “step” out of your thinking, talk to your wife, then both of you speak up to this grown son. You need some agreed boundaries for everyone to comfortably live in a small house. 

As the homeowners, you have the right to some weekend privacy. There needs to be an acceptable schedule… e.g. she stays over two or three weekends out of four. It’s up to them whether they spend the other time at her mother’s place, elsewhere, or apart. Also, it’s immature and unsettling that they burrow in the basement like moles. She’s likely trying to stay out of your way, but you need to explain that it just makes you feel awkward in your own home. So, arrange some mutually satisfying times to be together, so you can all get more relaxed in each other’s company… e.g. breakfast apart, but dinner together, or a statement made about what’s planned. Example: “We’re ordering pizza, would you like to have us order for you too?”

When you’re all interacting more normally, you’ll be able to discuss how long they expect to have “visitations” and what he’s doing toward becoming independent enough to have his own place.

I’m in a 23-year loveless relationship with an abusive man. I’m getting housing and legal advice as we have two children together and I’m getting out. 

Meanwhile I met a patient at my office who’s 14 years my junior; we’ve started text-ing and I’m falling hard. He makes me feel 18 again. We’ve never met outside the office.

I want to eventually be with him.

- Text Love

You’re NOT 18, just desperate for the fantasy escape of carefree youth. But this is the time to focus on getting yourself and your children safely re-settled and adjusted. 

It’s unlikely this guy wants to be part of your very complicated situation now (or else he’s also not thinking straight).

“Patients” are considered legally out of bounds for many professionals, so back off if that applies to you. If not, back off anyways. If there are mutual feelings there, he’ll find you later.