Over 30 guests at our December wedding of 300 people didn’t provide a gift or card. We checked with very close friends who we knew wouldn’t be offended, to assure we weren’t burglarized – they all said they’d forgotten the gift or were sending one shortly. 

There remain 25 people who never gave a gift. They technically have a year to give one.

I told my wife that we should send thank-you cards to them, thanking them for “sharing” our special day in hopes it’ll remind them to send something. But she doesn’t want to offend anyone. Should we wait out the year?

It is commonplace that you give something at a wedding even if it’s just a card that says, "Best of luck!"

- Desperate for Advice

Lucky couple: In the midst of a shocking economic plunge with widespread losses of jobs, investments, homes, 270 guests still gifted you immediately! Unfortunately, you’re focused on the negative view instead. 

Yes, people have time on their side… and some may actually default. Does that mean that at the end of one year, you’ll stop speaking to them?

Your idea of sending a “thanks for sharing” note would be lovely, if you actually meant it. But if it’s sent as a jab, with you awaiting its impact forget it.

Try to enjoy your blessings as newlyweds who have the luxury of so large a network. Since you have enough time to check up on their generosity, also take time to consider their circumstances.

My son and his live-in girlfriend have a baby girl (eight months) whom I’ve only seen twice. I’ve sent gifts for Christmas and such. 

The child’s mother is a control nut. She’s made up every excuse why my son can’t leave home to go to work, or visit his family. Inevitably, he lost his job.

When he does manage to visit family, she calls nonstop, although she was invited and refused. She also refuses to bring the baby out of the apartment.

She’s stolen items and money from every member of my family. Yet, when she was pregnant, all were completely supportive and helped her out considerably.

When their apartment building caught fire I opened my home to them. But since she had the baby, she’s sent rude and demeaning e-mails to me, and has refused me any contact with my granddaughter, although she has contact with her own family on a daily basis.

I’ve made many attempts to involve her as a family member. Should I forget about them and move on? Or should I try again to be in contact?

- Sad Gramma

Don’t give up – your son and his baby will both need your support and caring, as soon as he recognizes what’s happening.

This woman also needs help from a professional therapist – whether it’s postpartum depression or her basic nature that’s made her so controlling. Continue to reach out and try to stay above her reactions – invite her over, ask if you can come over with a gift for the baby, offer to baby-sit, etc.

Meanwhile, when your son gets out to visit, you can ask the questions (without interrogating or requiring answers) that get him thinking: How long can he be without a job, how will their daughter learn to socialize if she can’t go out, etc.

His wife may never be close to you, but your son will surely one day have to confront his strange living conditions.

During my childhood and teenage years, I was bullied over many things, from my weight (big) to my imagination (active). 

Now, as a grown adult, I can ‘t take negative comments without bawling. It’s driving ME nuts that my timid “don’t pick on me” nature surfaces.

I’m torn between shutting people down before they raise a sensitive subject, and trying to avoid people all together.

How can I stop crying?

- Red-Eyed

Living in isolation is a lonely response. If you have anyone who’s close, try practicing a new reaction. Gird yourself for some criticisms, and let your trusted friend/relative test you. 

Experts say it’s like exercising an unused muscle - in this case, the muscle of indifference. However, if you haven’t the confidence to attempt this, see a counsellor to work on building the inner self-acceptance to shuck off others’ remarks, which are often thoughtless and unworthy of your tears.