My fiancé has had two dogs since before we met. I've given him the opportunity to make them more tolerable.

They no longer sleep in the bed; they've been crate-trained. However, they're locked in the crate for ten hours while he's working. When I'm home, I feel obligated to care for them rather than keep them locked up.

They still jump up on people, chew household objects, urinate, and defecate indoors. His favourite dog growls at me and has bitten my hand.

I'm very upset that they're forced upon me, and fear I'll be stuck with them if I go on maternity leave in the future.

Nor would I want to purchase a house together, to be ruined by the dogs.
He loves them and feels responsible to see out their lives because he committed to dog ownership.

I feel he's putting his needs first, at the expense and stability of our relationship and future family. It's causing heavy tension.

The dogs could have a more fulfilling life if re-homed to owners who mutually love them and have time to train them.
I want to work this out. It's our only disagreement. We love each other and typically have no difficulty with compromise and problem solving. But it's time to get rid of them.

Fed Up

The dogs were there when you got together, so a mutual agreement to have them trained in ways that would keep them in your home, is the logical solution.

Yet you two have staked opposite positions instead, flashing emotion and personal "need" as reasons. YOU don't want them, no matter what. He's standing on a point of principle. (Most dog-owners would completely agree).

Trust me, issues over house buying and raising babies won't get handled any easier.

Find effective, decent, dog training for older dogs. Hire a dog-walker or dog-sitter for part of those days when you're home. (These helpers should be taught the trainer's methods).

I've always been very liberal. I travelled the world, and lived in Africa and Korea. Living in a multicultural city, my first boyfriend was Indian and my second Chinese, and I've always had a multicultural friendship group.

However lately, at 32, I'm thinking racist thoughts!! My current boyfriend's Chinese and while I love him, I sometimes think it'll be easier to date a guy without a mother who's so culturally different from me.

I'll see strangers of one racial group on the bus and immediately think, "they're going to be pushing everyone to get off first." I know these hostilities aren't right.

Should I fight my thoughts or move back to my small, white hometown where I may feel more comfortable?

I've confessed to my boyfriend about the hostilities I sometimes feel towards racial groups, but I don't feel I can admit to him fully how I've been feeling lately.

Embarrassed and Confused

Talk to your boyfriend... it's the crucial honesty needed here. At 32, you're starting to have nesting urges and looking at your potential future.

Your "hostilities" reflect fear of a cross-cultural union, which you've transferred to other groups, rather than face the reality that you may not be ready for such a match with this guy. You're already anxious about his mother!

Liberalism as a philosophy isn't enough for such a relationship. You need to walk the walk and talk the talk.

Think through whether you love THIS man, and can give him your full commitment. Then banish ugly racism from your thoughts and actions, whatever future you choose.

I've avoided contact with other people, fearing rejection. I've had episodes of clinical depression and finally found a combination of drugs that allows me to feel okay about myself.

But in this "cured" state, I see how self-defeating my behaviour was and want to change how I relate to others. However, my reputation/character as a negative person makes me think nobody wants to be friends with me. How can I change how people see me?

Changed

People notice how you see yourself. A confident smile, open greeting, listening to others rather than talking about yourself, are all ways to start conversations and be welcomed.

Medication has turned your mood around. Now some counselling could be very helpful, to practice positive thinking and learn ways to present yourself in your present state.

You've done the hard work of making change. This "personality" adjustment will become easy, as you'll feel its benefits very soon.