My sister just told me that she is thinking of having an affair. She has been hugely overweight for decades and was recently prescribed Ozempic. She has subsequently lost over 100 lbs., which everyone is noticing and commenting on, EXCEPT her husband!

She takes public transportation to work, works in an office with many men and women, and lunches downtown. She then walks home, or at least partway to get in her steps and help with her weight loss journey. She tells me every day that someone – both men AND women – are noticing her and commenting on how good she looks.

She loves her husband and wants to have a fun, romantic, sexy life with him, but he’s sticking his head in the sand. I’m trying to convince her not to have the affair, because it’s ugly and then leads to bigger problems. But I’m worried she’s getting restless.

How can I convince her that this isn’t the road to take?

Looking Good

Your sister is enjoying the attention, from anyone and everyone, and I understand that. Especially since this was her journey, to lose the weight that was obviously keeping her down. But you are correct that having an affair is a portal to bigger and more difficult issues.

I strongly suggest that your sister and her husband get to a marriage counsellor immediately. She needs to tell him how she’s feeling – and hear how her weight loss is affecting him. Perhaps he’s scared to touch her, for whatever reason. Perhaps he doesn’t think she’s interested. Perhaps he was more attracted to her as a larger woman. Who knows? That’s why they need to talk. And since the issues are sensitive, having a third person there is helpful.

My boyfriend and I have just moved in together. We are both mid-40s, both divorced. I have two small children; he doesn’t have kids. We’ve been together for over a year and weren’t planning on moving in together, but I had a massive flood, and my ex was insistent we sell. My boyfriend was thinking of downsizing, but when my flood happened, we decided we should just move in together.

Everyone has been happy and enjoying moving into our new home together. My kids really like my boyfriend, and he’s very, very good to them. The problem is that he’s never lived with children before, so he doesn’t think like a parent. For example, he’ll get up, make coffee, then finish the milk knowing I like mine black. But the kids need milk for their cereal.

Or I’ll buy snacks, for everyone but mainly the kids, and he’ll eat them all. I’m trying to explain things as we go along because I never thought about these potential issues. I’m just worried this is going to continue for a long time.

Blended Family

Sit down with your boyfriend, with a glass of wine and a pen and paper (I feel being on your phone in this case won’t be as effective). Talk to him about the “issues” that have arisen thus far (hopefully you’ve made a list) and other issues that you can foresee arising.

Start by telling him that you are completely understanding that living with children is new to him and you are not upset or angry. However, it’s important that you address things now to avoid a continuation of these types of problems. Let him ask you questions and answer them all while remembering that you’ve been a parent for years – and he hasn’t.

FEEDBACK Regarding the lost Jellycat (June 16):

Reader – “I can't believe the mom whose daughter lost her Jellycat plushie went up to another little girl who happened to have the same toy without considering the response.  Was the dad really unnecessarily rude when a stranger approaches his child and makes her cry?

“The daughter isn't the only one who should learn a lesson.  Parents who buy whatever is the hot toy, at often ridiculous prices, often do so to signal their own wealth and status.  Next time the mom might pay more attention to what her daughter is doing.”

FEEDBACK Regarding no cheer (June 6):

Reader – “Having lived through years of my kids playing various competitive sports, I can understand that woman’s lapse of memory.  There’s an annual turnover of teammates and/or teams.  For many parents it was ‘Joe’s mom’ or ‘Sara’s dad.’  She may have other children with their own sports teams and parents. She may also be dealing with other things in her life that doesn’t give her the capacity to remember everyone’s name.

“The question is: why does it matter?”