After my second child was born, I experienced a severe depression. I was in denial, not dealing properly with my condition, confused, and ashamed.
I self-medicated by shopping. I spent money behind my husband’s back and he was extremely angry about it. I’ve since gotten medical help for my condition and am working to pay off my debt.
Even though I’m not spending deceptively any more, he’s still extremely angry. Several times a month he’ll blow up at me, saying I’ve ruined his life and he can never trust me again. He says I make him miserable, he didn't sign up for living with someone with depression.
He says he stays because he takes his marriage vows seriously. He’s a good person and a good father but I don't know how to handle this. I don't like that I make his life so horrible, and I think he’d be happier without me, but when I mention that, he gets angry and says that must be what I reallywant.
You’ve apologized, explained, gotten help, and are paying off your debt. Stop allowing the ongoing punishment.
Ironically, HE seems to have become “depressed” (expressed through anger) because you’re not “perfect.”
You need counselling together, to stay together. Otherwise, you’ll be blamed for everything that’s not “perfect” ahead, too.
The whole event has exposed a weakness in the foundation of your relationship. You either confront this and learn to surmount it together, or it’ll tear you apart.
My husband and I were dating since high school. We have a son, age two. We had some issues - lack of sex on my part, and trust issues. We’ve seen marriage counselors.
Last fall, while my son and I were at a family function, my husband visited an old high school friend he’d once dated briefly.
Later, he reported that they went skinny-dipping, and got intimate in the back seat of OUR truck! The only thing that stopped them from having sex was that they didn’t have a condom!
For three months I struggled with this, and continued with counselling. We separated and I moved out.
For several weeks I’ve been seeing a guy I’ve known since I was 15, but hadn’t seen in years. He has a son, four. We feel so connected; we laugh all the time, and have talked about moving in together.
We’ve met each other’s kids. Am I moving too fast, after only three months’ separation? My family won't approve but I haven’t been this happy in years.
You’re rushing into a storm of events you can’t even imagine! Your ex behaved like a crude idiot, but that shouldn’t put you back into high-school mode, too. It’s way too early in your youngster’s changed life to consider living with another man and his young boy.
Of course you’re happy now… after your husband’s insulting skinny-dipping escapade, getting positive male attention and having easy fun with someone would be hugely uplifting…. for now.
But you know yourself how life can bring changes. I urge you to take time dating this guy, from separate houses.
Focus on your own child on his own, most of the time you’re with him. Find out the legal and financial adjustments that are involved in your divorce and figure out how you’ll live with them.
Only then will you be able to make a mature responsible decision about when you and your son are emotionally stable and adaptable to a new living situation, with new challenges.
I'm a female looking to tell the person I like, that I like her. But every time I see her, I stare and don't do anything. What should I do?
Scared but Excited
You’re “crushing” on someone yet I’m guessing you barely know her, as otherwise you’d have found things to say.
It’s normal for crushes to render the smitten person temporarily speechless, awkward, embarrassed…. and there are two choices ahead:
1) Speak up. A simple “hi” will get you started, then try a comment about school if that’s where you are, or something that happened of which you’d both be aware. If she doesn’t respond, then don’t say anything about liking her, because she’s simply not interested (or she’s already attached).
2) Find out if she’s already got a boyfriend or female partner, or if she’s open to same-sex attractions. So far, she’s mostly a product of your imagination and fantasy.
Tip of the day:
When a “mistake” that’s been corrected still ruins a relationship, the foundation was weak beforehand.