I’m in my early-40s, still single. I’ve never been married, had kids or been in a relationship.
I feel sadness and despair, grieving the love and family I’ve never had.
Is it too late to find love? Am I too old to find a partner?
I don’t know what to do.
Your own “clues” inform my answer:
You’re only starting early mid-life yet you’re already grieving as if there’s no chance for positive change.
And you’ve thrown up your hands, without any ideas on how to try to meet people, seek those with common interests, try something completely new for fun and expanding your circle, etc.
Yet there’s hope ahead in having so much groundwork to cover. But YOU have to get motivated to do it.
I recommend counselling with a therapist (online is common during the pandemic) who helps you see yourself still in progress.
Even small steps - like joining a virtual book club or art-study group or (you name the interest) can boost your self-confidence if you stick with it.
It means putting yourself out there, being friendly, sharing ideas.
That’s how meeting people starts. Some leads to dating, some to relationships. But nothing happens if you don’t try.
Answer - No! It’s never too late!
My friend has young daughters ages eight and six, whose beloved “pets” are playful gerbils.
My friend’s been in a two-year, on-off relationship with a man who also has children.
Tired of the uncertainty, she decided to take her daughters to her parents’ cottage for the weekend, instead of relying on the uncertain possibility she’d be seeing this man.
She told him her plans and asked if he’d please look after the gerbils for the two days. He agreed.
When she returned, he said his own children had taken a liking to the gerbils. He refused to return them.
My friend’s outraged. Her children are crying. What should she do?
She should break up with this man, he’s mean-spirited.
His “on-off” attitude to the relationship also extends to his respect for her. He has no right to keep her children’s pets but is acting as if his entitlement to do whatever he wants comes first.
As for taking action to retrieve the gerbils, she should walk into her local police station (instead of tying up police call-lines) with a screenshot of her daughters and their gerbils and ask what they recommend that she or they do to get their pets back.
FEEDBACK Regarding the divorced father who’s ordered his daughter to bar her stepfather from her wedding or he won’t attend (October 24(:
Reader - “When I got engaged, my own father announced his refusal to attend my wedding if my mother would be present.
“My parents divorced when I was 10, both were remarried. I told my father that I was sorry that he couldn’t.
“Six months before the wedding he changed his mind and walked me down the aisle. We sat my grandparents between both couples to keep things civil.
“It’s now up to this daughter to set the rules, even if it means that the father decides not to contribute to the wedding.
“She needs to be sensitive to everyone’s feelings on her wedding day, but she also needs to consider what she wants for her future family.
“I invited everyone when we had family birthday parties for our twins. Both couples attended and were civil to each other and continue to attend all family functions.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the siblings who resent the financial success of the sister (letter-writer) and her husband (October 17):
Reader – “That couple is not responsible for family get-togethers and obligations any more than the other siblings.
“Taking on additional responsibilities becomes a cause for resentment, as the others slip into the notion that it’s no problem for that couple. Their goodwill becomes taken for granted.
“At some point there is no turning back, which is an unfair emotional, time, and financial burden to the couple who are now expected to host events and make arrangements for all.
“It’s better, in my opinion, to keep contributing on an even keel with the others, and host only when it’s in turn.
“Then make extra contributions only when it seems appropriate and out of good will. That way there’s far less chance of undeserved burden and resentment on the couple's part.”
Tip of the day:
Giving upon yourself is what makes it harder to find love and a relationship partner.