My wife is a napper. I always say, “lucky her!” – but it’s not something I’m predisposed to doing. I just can’t lie down in the middle of a workday! I feel very unproductive and, if I do give it a try, I often wake up feeling worse than when I lay down. So, bottom line – napping is not for me.

We’ve been married for almost six years now and her napping has rarely interfered with our life. Unfortunately, it became a very big issue on our two most recent vacations. In the winter, we went out west, skiing. Skiing is a daytime sport in the mountains. And, since we were paying an arm and a leg for our lift tickets, we agreed to get out on the hill as early as possible and make the most of our five days.

FIVE days! That’s it! On our first day, she said she was going in for her nap, which is usually around 2 p.m. I was just getting over a cold, so I convinced her to do one more run with me and we headed in about 2:30 p.m. Same thing the next day, but fortunately for her, the weather had turned so we were forced inside at exactly nap time. But the next THREE days were blue sky, sunshine and just gorgeous. I wanted to ski every hour possible. I begged her to stay with me. She refused. Not even one of those days.

I was so angry that on that third day, I stayed at the hill and tied on a BIG après. I stumbled home and went to bed at 7 p.m., having already eaten enough bar food. So, she was angry on day four. Suffice to say, I was mad at her and she at me, and our vacation was a disaster.

On our second vacation, it was more chill, on a beach, with plenty of down time, so her naps didn’t infringe. However, we both wanted to participate in two very cool excursions, both fell around the time of her nap, and she refused to go! I went by myself, joined up with the only other people around my age, who happened to be two gorgeous sisters. My wife was annoyed when she met them later that evening. And on the second excursion, we were given a decent amount of alcohol and I indulged again, which again ruined dinner for her. Again, our vacation was less than a success.

How can we deal with this moving forward?

Nap time

Relationships, and especially marriages, are all about compromise. Not tit-for-tat, but communication, understanding and compromise. She’s always been a napper, so her actions are nothing new. You accept her napping, which you need to do to be in a relationship with her. I completely see your point, from a non-napper perspective, not understanding why she can’t give up her nap once or twice, especially on vacation. I think, if I put myself in your shoes, I would also be upset that she refused to make an exception.

You two need to talk about this issue. Calmly and not at nap time. I think you have every right, as her partner, to acknowledge that sometimes her nap feels more important than spending quality time with you, and you’d like her to make an exception occasionally. I assume that if you were invited to a wedding reception that started at 1 p.m., she would skip her nap that day. So, it’s important to plan, giving her a chance to reschedule her nap, or mentally prepare for a napless day. Try it out on your next vacation.

It’s also important to acknowledge that you behaved immaturely and apologize for your part in this conflict.

FEEDBACK Regarding neighbours (March 11):

Reader – “His neighbour is taking advantage of him.

“Get the snowblower repaired.  But, then for future, lock it up where NO ONE would be able to grab without their involvement and permission.

“If the neighbour asks why it’s locked up or even has the audacity to ask to borrow it again, show them the invoice and explain that the last time it was lent out, it came back damaged.  I would not make direct accusations even if they are 99.999 per cent sure it was them.

“Simply explain that the incident has spoiled it for EVERYONE wanting to borrow in the future. If they have been lending to multiple neighbours, then the neighbours may force the culprit to be outed and make restitution, especially since EVERYONE would be affected.

“Neither a borrower nor a lender be” - Shakespeare’s Hamlet.

“This neighbour is also definitely NOT a friend. Friends take responsibility for their actions.”