I was at the top of my field when I met my boyfriend five years ago. 

When I was offered an even better job in a bigger city, he came along and we set up house together. But times started getting tough in my industry and I was laid off two years ago. I quickly accepted a job I was too qualified for, with a long commute; I had a breakdown and went on sick leave.

Now I’ve hired a career consultant, been to dozens of interviews, applied to hundreds of jobs… but with no luck. My boyfriend has stayed with me, despite the strain on our relationship.

Now, after four years, he’s stalling on marriage because he says he won’t marry someone without a job. His job, earning over six figures, is not at risk. I feel this is unfair. The economy is beyond my control.

I’m over 30 and want to start a family, buy a home and get married (as we’d discussed years ago). He says he can’t afford a ring without me working.

Can you help me see straight?

- Frustrated

Things look wonky to me on both sides. HE is only fully committed to planning the future with you as, Successful Woman; YOU are pushing for too many things that require cash flow, immediately – a house, for example, add in a wedding, baby needs, etc. And what are your mutual expectations if his good salary can’t manage a ring … how big is big? 

Suggest to him that you both adapt to the current economic environment. Instead of living as the Material Couple, see if you can be happy together as a loving twosome trying to do the best you can.

If your love can thrive whether or not you’re both earning, then marriage should be a natural progression, and a house something to consider when affordable.

My wife of two years and I won custody of my niece, 9, who suffers from Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD).  

As a couple, we’ve been having increasing loss of intimacy and proper communication. I didn’t hear her cries of unhappiness.

My wife left, after telling me she did the one thing that’d be unforgivable - an affair. I sought help, and am doing the best I can for my niece and I.

My wife has estranged herself from her entire family. I love her and want to save our marriage, but she says she’s done.

- Need Help

She wanted out, so she said what she thought would cut her free from your affections, and allow her to flee. 

Taking on your niece was a generous move, but also a major challenge that required more communication than ever, and more support for her needs, as well as yours and the child's. Continue with your own counselling.

Periodically, reach out to your wife to a) assure that she's okay, since escape alone won't resolve her feelings of guilt or neglect; and b) assure her that you recognize where you let her down and would now like a chance to try again to be a family with consideration for all.

• According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (www.aacap.org) Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is a rare, complex psychiatric illness that can affect young children, involving serious problems with emotional attachments to others. Symptoms can include detached and unresponsive behaviour, preoccupied and/or defiant behaviour, and more.

These children need an individualized treatment plan, along with treatment for the family as well.

My live-in boyfriend (10 years) and I are both in our mid-40’s. I’m divorced, he’s separated, because he’s waiting for his ex-wife to pay for their divorce. He won’t marry me, despite my wishes. 

I was in a bad accident six years ago and cannot work anymore. For a while, my brain was mush.

I discovered he’d tried screwing me financially – small stuff, but I lost trust. Also, he ignores my constant pain and will pressure me for sex.

I’m considering ending this relationship, though I do love him. Or is it just comfort? We live like roommates, and we hardly talk anymore.

Counselling is out of the question.

- Perplexed

Do the balance of factors test, listing the benefits and negatives under “pro” and “con” columns. 

Pro: you either love him or feel used to him.

Con: He’s untrustworthy, disrespectful, uncommitted, uncommunicative, inconsiderate, and uninterested in changing.

You do the math.