On a snowmobiling trip, I approached a beautiful woman sitting in the bar by herself; we clicked instantly, and spent the entire night hanging out. 

I travelled to her small town (pop. 700) every weekend for the next five weeks. Then, her ex-boyfriend learned she was seeing someone and started playing his games, texting her everyday: “I miss you, love you, need you…” etc.

My friend actually cares for both of her ex’s and has a problem with closure. She recently ended it with me and said she wants to stay single. Yet she calls everyday, and when I don’t answer she gets upset with me.

I care for her and can’t understand why she keeps contact with her past and can’t let go.

Also, the local town people influenced her thoughts about me – they’re jealous. What do I do?

- Confused in Chicago

She’s a collector; you’re a cherisher. She’s a small-town pleaser; you’re a selective city-guy. 

With little bonding beyond a short, snowy romance, the chances aren’t great you can both melt enough of your differences to unite long-term. Not unless she moved to the city to be with you (you don’t have much chance at success, in the reverse scenario).

But it’s unlikely she’ll ever leave her cozy, comfort zone. Forget her need to stay friends with every good-guy date.

Say a kind but firm, bye-bye, think about summer, and opportunities for sunnier relationships ahead.

My husband of 18 years met a woman on a business trip in November and was “infatuated;” she has five children and lives in another city. He was off work and went there for six weeks. He says he hasn’t loved me since last December. 

We were always the perfect couple. He didn’t confide in any of his friends and distanced himself from his family.

I now know I must move on, but am terribly hurt. I think he’s having a midlife crisis.

How do I get through this?

- So Sad

This sudden change of behaviour and withdrawal from close people IS familiar to the so-called mid-life crisis. There’s always the possibility of a medical factor, e.g. a developing illness, so that’s something for caring family to watch. 

However, YOU need to care for your own health… emotionally. Stay active and involved with your network of family and friends. Start fulfilling any long-delayed personal interests, such as going back to school, entering the workforce, pursuing a new hobby, etc.

This isn’t about rejection; it’s about him hoping to re-invent himself. If he wakes up not liking his “new” lifestyle and wants to re-connect, insist on a process of marital counselling, before handing him a door key.

Despite my having nightly sex with my husband, he was dating others because sex made him “feel alive” and he wanted to “explore.” 

He stopped having sex with me. I’ve since found explicit porn photos of him and others on his computer. He served me with a restraining order, forbidding me from contacting his friends, family and business associates, claiming I’d threatened to destroy his reputation and distribute his porn (I hadn’t).

I’m worried how this’ll affect our children, should they ever find out.

- Angry

The children may find out eventually, but it should NEVER be from you. Use your anger to strengthen your resolve to move forward in your life; you’re well rid of this dirty-tricks rat. 

Get legal advice immediately to assure he doesn’t discredit you further and/or seek custody of the kids.

Four co-workers live in a house rented to us through our company because none can afford our own place. 

One roomie got upset at my boyfriend and me after we left a note (we’re on opposite shifts) asking him to clean dishes he’d left for a week.

We’d also left a note to everyone about the front door left unlocked.

Now he’s bad-mouthed us to all other co-workers, and left a vindictive note. He thinks I’m the woman and here to clean up after him.

Do I speak to him?

- Stressed

Leave his dishes, but do try to be civil around him or you’ll escalate the negative feelings. 

Meanwhile, keep a record of any further bad-mouthing which co-workers report to you, and of any nasty or threatening notes.

If the home environment worsens, speak up soon to a company official as this house is a business set-up, not his private domain.