My wife and I now live in Tokyo, where I was sent for my executive job. Naturally, many of our relatives in America want to use the opportunity of visiting us to spend time in this city.

My wife's aunt and godmother is an affluent, worldly woman who's fun to be around. She's been very generous to us with gifts over the years.

Months ago, when she knew we were moving here, she announced she'd want to come for one month, in April. My wife had responded, "That sounds great." Nothing's been confirmed since.

Now my mother's called, saying she can only get off work for a three-week visit, in April. She's not traveled much so will need a lot of attention. She also tends to be critical, and can get on my wife's nerves with her comments.

We don't know how to handle telling one of them to not visit then, or which one to tell.

Tough spot

YOU must call your mother first. Ask if there's possibly any other time when she can take off work - before or after April. If she says no, then she takes precedence over the aunt who can afford to travel at any time.

But set the new schedule for both women immediately. Your wife's aunt needs to hear from HER right away that there's been a change, and an offer should be made to have her come at the soonest available time.

Meanwhile, once your mother's trip is confirmed, you and your wife need to discuss some boundaries as to how it'll go... i.e. how to share some of the responsibility for showing her around. You, personally, need to consider taking some of your vacation at that time, in order to do this.

Think ahead, too, of how you'll nip some of your mother's tendency to criticize, in the bud. It's up to you as her son, to let her know it's not acceptable behaviour, that you and your wife are happy with your choices of lifestyle, child-rearing, décor or whatever it is that she puts down.

If you don't do this even before she starts making negative comments, this visit of your mom's may become far more problematic in reality than it seems now in the planning.

I'm looking for love, but my friends say that when I stop looking, it'll find me. I don't believe that. I see a lot of romantic movies; listen to romantic songs, all I dream about is having a high-school sweetheart.

I thought I found him but I messed up, I was too clingy. Things in my family aren't that great either. I work two jobs, go to school and dance for my school company. I never really had love shown to me, I've only seen it on TV. What should I do, I hate over analyzing things.

Love-seeking in Tucson

You haven't messed up, you've been a normal hard-working teenager with dreams. Romance is all around us in the media, so it's natural to think it's the "Great Escape" from whatever's less exciting or soothing in life. Especially when you're young and romantic - love is still largely unknown.

But looking too hard is what makes people accept less than what they really want in a "sweetheart," and get hurt. So take time to get to know a guy as a friend, and find out if you can trust him. And when you next think you've found "like," make sure your feelings are shared before you share your dreams of love.

Whenever I'm with family, the issue of me being a vegetarian (I also eat eggs and dairy) always arises. Multiple people join in, asking why I'm a vegetarian.

I have my reasons but am not argumentative and don't feel it's their business. I know they care about my health and me. What can I say to stop them from bringing this up?

My Choice

Reassure them. Since you know that some of them have sincere concerns, explain that your nutritional intake is healthy and balanced, and they needn't worry.

You don't have to give personal reasons for your choice, but there's no harm in sharing general information. They probably don't know anywhere as much as you do about how to achieve a balanced intake of protein, nutrients, fibre, etc. through a vegetarian diet.

Once they understand that it's a safe and satisfying way to eat when balanced properly, some may even be attracted to it!