I'm a friendly, bubbly person - some ex-boyfriends' parents love me so much that we continued a relationship, long after a breakup.
Now, I've finally found the man I'm going to marry. He's everything I ever hoped for, and more. However, the only issue that causes us fights, is his parents.
I made up my mind about them even before I met them, as I was told that they refused to go to their daughter's wedding due to hating her choice in husband.
Then, when their eldest son got engaged, they also despised his choice ... until his fiancée got pregnant before getting married. After this, they were almost "in love" with her. They helped pay for the wedding, as well as gave them $300,000 to help buy a house nearby.
Their initial reaction to me was just tolerance. But I tried to show them why their youngest child loved me.
Everything changed when we got engaged, even after dating three years and living together for two years. They began with small emotional jabs when my fiancé wasn't around, which now come regularly. One example: When I joked that I'd "draw myself into a picture" taken at a family camping trip I'd missed (because I was ill), his mother made a comment, "You're not part of the family." I'm angry every time we leave their house.
I always wanted to be loved by my in laws. I've been contemplating cutting them out of my life. But I don't want to ostracize my fiancé from his family. Also, his brother and sister, and their spouses, aunts, cousins, and friends all love me.
My in-laws' support and acceptance is very important to me. Maybe even more than their son cares.
Not Loved Enough
Until your fiancé does care, you need to focus your concerns on him more than his parents. It's time to learn that having others' respect is crucial, rather than first seeking their love.
Start with insisting on having support from your fiancé for him respecting your place in the family and getting this across to his parents.
It seems these people test their own children's commitment to future spouses, with their negative approach. It's neither decent nor wise on their part, but to cut them off at this stage would be just as wrong-headed, because their son has yet to truly stand up for you.
I'm 31, having problems with my mother as I had to move back home to save on expenses. Growing up, she was the most important person in my life and we had that perfect loving, respectful relationship.
Then I had a mental breakdown and serious fatigue problems. We just can't get back to where we were. She's controlling (she wipes everything that comes into the house and changes clothes). Her only communication is to tell me what to do. I'm sick of it. She has to let go. Yet I know I should honour my parents.
A controlling parent is sometimes a worried parent who doesn't know how to help in a difficult situation. Your illness has undoubtedly brought tensions to both of you. Just as you want her to understand your situation, you need to understand how powerless she must feel too.
Consider taking her with you to your doctor and her getting her more informed about what you require to improve your health.... including less stress. I'm not suggesting crossing all privacy issues, just allowing enough openness that can be helpful for both of you.
My daughter, now 24, had gone away to university. While there, she never called. She's now said she'll never return home, doesn't need a family, and wants no contact.
We're a normal family with regular ups and downs but have always loved and supported her. I'm having anxiety attacks. When I approached her she was very cruel. I fear that if I keep trying, she'll disappear forever.
See above. Your daughter may be suffering some stress and/or mental health issues of which you're not aware. If there's a history of this in your family, or there were previous signals, ask someone whom she respects (a loved older relative, or old friend of hers, etc.) to keep enough contact so you'll know if she needs help or intervention.
But, keep yourself distant for a while, so to avoid her taking off. This is a time for self-restraint, and concern about her more than about you.
Tip of the day:
In-laws need respect on both sides, more than instant love.