My wife and I are newlyweds and have been together almost four years. The first months of dating, the intimate part of our relationship was great.

But it hit a screeching halt and has had trouble recovering. I was my wife's first, and she told me that she loved me while we were intimate one night. I wanted never to lie to her because I really liked her, but caught off guard I told her I didn't love her.

She was feeling vulnerable, she'd trusted me, and now that moment is what she relates to sex: Her trusting someone completely, and then that person making her feel used.
We broke up over it briefly, and are now happily married. I was hoping our sex life would increase once married, and she was hoping the same. Unfortunately this isn't the case.
We both want to work on this. I don't want to resent her for a sexless marriage.

This incident has truly scarred your wife and you both need to heal from it. You'll require the professional guidance of a marriage counselor to talk out the trust issues. There's likely a background reason why they run so deeply with your wife. Start this therapy as soon as possible.

In conjunction, a sex therapist could help you both to re-build your intimacy. Meantime, use close communication, sharing of confidences, and cuddling to stay as connected as possible.

I'm having a repeated problem with my boyfriend. Four years ago I finally got my divorce from my husband after waiting twelve years. As a gift to myself, I went on a one-week spa vacation in Arizona.

I spent a lot of time resting body and mind, reading, and going for spa treatments. I felt rejuvenated when I returned home. I'd like to do this every year.

My boyfriend has a real problem with these trips. He does everything to sabotage them. He tells me about bombs being put on planes, to scare me from going. He says we'll go on a vacation as a couple - this year, he said it'll be in February, so I booked my Arizona trip in January (I'm retired). Then, he said he wanted to go in January.

I cleaned his house today and made his dinner, but he went to bed without saying goodnight. Why can't he be happy for me that I get to enjoy a relaxing vacation at a spa?

Also, I've invited my boyfriend on the spa trips but he says it's too expensive and won't go because there's no lake nearby.

My boyfriend now says to just forget it. We won't go on a vacation together at all. He has said this in previous years. Meanwhile, he visited his relatives out west this summer for ten days and I didn't have a problem with it.

If you really love this guy, you need to talk this out and not dance around it with competing bookings. He's hung up on your going off on your own... it appears you've become someone he relies on totally (except when he chooses to visit family).

There are excellent spas in locales by lakes and oceans - Florida, Mexico, and California come to mind. But this is likely about more than beaches and water sports.

You want an annual break; he's punishing you with the "no vacation" threat. Either compromise or take a closer look at the relationship. The spa benefits won't last more than that week if you return to someone who exerts childish controls.

My boyfriend and I would like information on eloping, quick and easy. What do we have to do and where do we go for that, is there a place in our city that does that? We would like to stay around our area and not go far.

Do we need a marriage license for eloping, do we have to make an appointment for that, what kind of information is required?

Marry Soon

Since there's nothing "quick and easy" about staying married, make sure your rush is for logical reasons that make sense to you both, and not about defying others, or running from problems that need resolving.

An elopement is still a marriage ceremony. You need a marriage license and someone who has the authority to perform marriages, plus at least one witness. You can usually find the details required in your jurisdiction through contacting the nearest City Hall, or searching online.