My girlfriend of six months left a previous three-year relationship to be with me. I'm extremely happy being with her but am concerned because she keeps photos and letters from her ex and is still keeping some contact via text.

I don't want to pick a fight or look jealous. What can I do/say to let her know it bothers me?

Uneasy New Guy

Initiate a chat on how things are going.... okay, I know it's not so much of a guy thing to be the one to say, "let's talk," but keeping your worries inside doesn't help either.

Besides, six months marks time for an honest discussion, to clear the air. One view: It's natural that since she's the one who left, she may feel some guilt about her ex and perhaps that's why she feels a need to keep contact.

Another view: It's equally natural that since they had a much longer relationship than you two have had so far, you feel some insecurity about their continuing to be in touch. (The photos and letters should be less worrisome, unless she keeps poring over them. Otherwise they're just things from the past, and most people keep some of these, for a while).

Hopefully, each of you will open up about these kinds of feelings, without you having to say you feel jealous and want their contact to stop. And without her having to say you're acting needy and making her uncomfortable.

If your relationship continues and is emotionally healthy on both sides, periodic check-ins about how you're doing together, and where you're headed as a couple, are helpful to keep you both communicating easily. Then the past will fade into just that.

I fell in love with my teacher; I was only 16. We started a sexual relationship a year later. We'd meet at hotel rooms, in his classroom, or somewhere else. I had this fixation on him that lasted for twelve years.

One day he stopped following me around. For eight years, I've never seen, talked or heard of him. I moved on and married another man.

I still think, sleep, live for the married teacher, the only man I'd known sexually for so long, though the relationship never got to be more than that.

I did grow up and realize that on my own... eight years of dreadful pain and depression. Now, he's called me at home to ask if we could get together.

Help!

Anyone who reads your question will come to this same answer: Call the police: the man's a cruel abuser and should be criminally charged.

I do understand your pain over this long period of torment, both when you were being sexually manipulated by a man you trusted and when you were so devastatingly dropped. But think now beyond yourself, to the other vulnerable young students he must've seduced and emotionally damaged over those eight years.... and maybe even while seeing you.

The only way to save more innocent girls and possibly boys too from this scum is to turn him in. It'll also save YOU from destroying the strength you built to try to get on with your life.

Believe me, when you see this man eventually squirm like a frightened weasel before the law, he'll no longer haunt you as anyone worthwhile. Still, you should get counseling immediately to help you recover from your past nightmare, so you can truly appreciate who you are and what you have today.

We moved to San Francisco and gave an open invitation to my best friend to visit us. She's emailed me that she's back again with her on-off boyfriend whom I've never liked.

I'm worried she wants to bring him on a visit. He's a big bar-and-club type, together they drink a lot, stay out late, sleep till noon. The idea of them around my kids has me uncomfortable.

Can I tell her she's only welcome on her own without losing the friendship?

Awkward

It's your house, your standards. Email her a chatty account about how you live as a family and avoid commentary on her guy.

If she mentions a visit, explain the kids' need for routines. You'd love to see her, spend time with her in the day, but hosting them would be awkward for all since they'd have to adapt to your lifestyle there. Recommend a hotel.