I was bitten by a small dog when I was seven years old.  It was my Grandma's neighbour's dog.  Since then, I have been scared of dogs, especially ones I don't know.  Sure, I got used to friends' or family member's dogs, but only over time and not when they were jumping on me.

You recently wrote about a young girl who was traumatized by a large dog surprising her in a hotel hallway. The parents should be supportive of the child.  They should make sure people's dogs don't jump on her.  They should respect if she wants to cross the street to avoid them.  They should respect if she doesn't believe it when someone says, "My dog is friendly."   They should also make sure they know if a store is dog-friendly, so she's not retraumatized if she encounters a dog in the aisle.

I have not gotten over my basic fear of dogs in general. How is this child expected to get over hers? And why are people allowed to expect everyone else to think the same way they do?

Not Dog-friendly

I’m sorry about the incident that occurred when you were small. That is extremely traumatizing. A few years ago, I spoke to a therapist about fears because I was suffering some myself. She told me that any big fears that you have as a child are harder to overcome then any new fears that you accrue as an adult. In my case, she said, because I only started my fear, I could put the work in and get back to my baseline, which was to not have that fear.

Yes, people should be supportive of their friends and family, especially parents of their children. And you are correct in saying that people should NOT be expected to think the same way everyone else thinks. Our differences are what makes the world go ‘round.

I am in my 60s and have been dating a man also in his 60s for almost two years. I should feel over the moon that I've met someone decent, and that he really cares for me. He's hinted about us having a future together, i.e. living together. I should really love him, but I just don't. He's a super nice guy, but we don't have the same sense of humour, and I find he's socially awkward. Some of the things he says, while not malicious or mean-spirited, turn me off; he's goofy.

He's also cheap, a trait I find to be a turnoff. I've learned this past weekend that none of my family (including my adult children) like him. At this stage of life, I feel it's either him or a life being single. How do you know when someone is “good enough?" Maybe I'm just too fussy and that's why I've been single for so long.

At 60+ is settling for a six out of 10 the best I can hope for?

High Hopes

Why are you settling? If you don’t love him and you don’t even really like him, why stay with him? I can’t promise you that you’ll meet someone better; I can’t even promise you that you’ll meet someone else. But why settle for someone you don’t really like/love?

I understand your desire to find someone to share the rest of your life with. But wouldn’t you rather be happy, no matter what that looks like? If no one in your family likes him, including yourself, why keep dating him? It took you two years to come to this realization; now end it and move on. You’ll never find someone else if you’re still with him.

FEEDBACK Regarding cottage guest (July 25):

Reader – “So your husband doesn’t get invited. I noticed you didn’t say how you show your appreciation for the extra work your friend puts in. Do you invite her and her husband to stay with you and your husband some weekends?

“Do you think maybe you’re taking advantage?”
A cottage owner

Reader #2 – “I have a place in Florida and a summer house in Ontario. I often invite my girlfriends without their husbands, because mine has a high-pressure job and is only comfortable with entertaining certain people on weekends; sometimes I just like to have girlfriend-time. The writer should simply comment that her husband would love to join them one weekend and leave it.  She might even add that they would bring all the food and help clean up. Entertaining is very tiring.”
Been there

Reader #3 – “Learn to accept her generous invitations with grace and humble appreciation. Nothing ruins a friendship more than looking a gift horse in the mouth.”