Eight years ago the love of my life was convicted of crimes and sentenced to 11 years in prison. I supported him in all possible ways for the three years it took to get to trial.
Then the next application for sentencing took another year or two. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to endure but my love for him was so strong.
When he went to the penitentiary, we had a couple of “touch” visits, which was amazing after not touching/hugging someone you love for four years, seeing him only through glass or talking on the phone.
Then suddenly he turned on me abusively, stopped calling or writing. When he did it was so mean.
That was two years ago. I’ve never known why or what happened. It took two years for me to realize he’d broken up with me. I’d known him for 18 years!
He’s now living free in a half-way house. He’s been reaching out on Facebook but I’m so angry I can’t accept that he’s still not begging for forgiveness.
He’s living with a transgender man now. I’m not educated on that enough to even know what that means.
I can tell he cares for this person though, based on his posts.
I messaged him and asked straight out if he was gay the whole time or only coming out now. He read my message and blocked me! My best friend says it means he’s 100% gay now. Is he?
Eight years of separation is hard enough but when a prison term is the reason, the restrictions on contact and communication can make it easier to withdraw.
When your former love became verbally abusive and ended contact, he likely gave up on your relationship for two reasons:
1) It was too painful to be unable to keep up a loving relationship when you were on the outside while he was living in a starkly different world on the inside.
2) He found a partner within the prison who was going through the same detachment from former connections.
The transgender man about whom you know nothing may be his lover, his best friend, the only person he can now relate to emotionally. Or all of these.
Your ex reached out to you, likely to tell you more about himself now and maybe to apologize for his previous meanness.
But asking if he was gay “the whole time” ended the contact because it no longer matters. He may not have identified as gay during your years together. But he’s moved on now, and so will you. Staying angry will achieve nothing.
My wife of 44 years recently said she’d cheated on me 25 years ago. Previously, we’d have sex weekly, now it's every other day.
But I keep thinking about him having sex with her. I can't get over this. For years she’d never do oral sex, now it’s all the time. I don't know if it’s a put-on.
I’d worked a third shift for 32 years and she said that's what triggered her cheating. We’re now retired but I’m having a hard time over this. I love her very much.
Loving her is what matters most. Your long marriage had many phases - your absences from working late, her discomfort with oral sex, shared sexual energy now. How lucky to have revived passion as seniors!
Help yourself and your marriage by focusing on the present.
My husband of 26 years got me a Siamese cat four Christmases ago. He now cuddles with the cat instead of me.
He sleeps with the cat between his legs and gets upset/aggressive if I make any movement that’ll provoke the cat to leave him.
He claims that the cat’s obsessed with him, but I know it’s mutual. I can't give it away because our kids would be heartbroken.
It’s more common than you realize.
It’s a warm place that denotes the cat’s ownership and security. Rubbing against a human releases pheromones marking “their” person. That location also keeps the cat’s eyes on things since they’re often periodically awake at night. Also, if you move them, they might bite and scratch.
Solution: An alternative sleeping place. Place a pad heated in the microwave in a suitable area, adding your husband’s shirt for scent. Place it higher than the bed so the cat can view what’s going on.
Tip of the day:
When it’s over for logical/final reasons, it’s over.