Readers Commentary This is an open letter to all the wives who accuse “smaller, prettier women” of trying to steal their husbands!!!
It’s my response to the woman whose letter appeared December 9:
“I am not your husband’s mistress, but I am the smaller and prettier woman in a male-dominated work environment.
“It seems that most wives and girlfriends believe that they simply “know” some woman like me is trying to steal their husband!
“Obviously, you all suspect that your husband is cheating on you, or else you would’ve sent that letter to the other woman directly, not to a relationship column.
“I know this fact, because I’ve received those kinds of calls and letters, confronting me for affairs with these women’s husbands and boyfriends... affairs which I’ve never had! All assumed just because I’m smaller and prettier!
“It’s the wives like you who don’t see the wedding rings and anniversary-band sets that I wear.
“They don’t take the time to learn that I’m older than I look and have grown children and grandchildren, before they jump to the conclusion I must be after their husband or boyfriend!
“Those wives don’t see or bother to find out that I have been there and done the “baby/kid” thing and don’t have any interest in doing it again!
“They don’t see that my home is paid for and that I have no interest in going back into debt. They don’t see that I like to travel the globe, not visit “kiddie” parks and playgrounds. They just see someone smaller and prettier so I must be a husband-stealing whore!
“Wrong! Right now, I’m working under an assumed name after being harassed by a former co-worker for nearly three years, at three different businesses.
“Why? Because this ex-co-worker told his friends he slept with me and the friends told their wives, and the wives told his new girlfriend!
“Even though NO ONE is around where I’m working as Covid is keeping customers out of my workplace.
“But it’s only a matter of time before my ex-co-worker finds out where I am and either starts calling me or showing up at my work again behind his girlfriend’s back.
“I bet you see this as me chasing after him just because I’m smaller and prettier than the girlfriend, not to mention ten years older!
“Maybe your husband IS cheating, maybe not. But before you jump to conclusions about smaller, prettier women who work alongside your husband, find out the facts first.
“If your husband is cheating, go to him with what you know and leave the so-called other woman, real or imagined, ALONE!
“We don’t want to hear how great you and your marriage are because we know that if you’re accusing us of an affair with your husband, you and your marriage are not so great!!!
“The “other woman” is not your big problem... your husband and your marriage are!”
Ellie - This letter is the other side of what happens when the “other woman” is blamed for a marriage breakup.
In almost 100% of cases, men who cheat on their partner, just like women who cheat, make that choice as adults. For whatever reasons, they’re willing to take that risk.
In some cases, the partner’s anger about past affairs of a partner, is what drives the jealousy and blaming of the “other” party, who may, like the letter-writer here, actually be innocent.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who doesn’t want sex with her boyfriend while he’s still married/living with his wife (December 7):
Reader – “She isn’t using sex to get him to leave his wife.
“She has her own ethical code that doesn’t include sleeping with a friend’s husband.
“She knows if it’s meant to be they can wait until they can have a normal courtship.
“She doesn’t want to be blamed for breaking up the marriage and doesn’t want to be the girl on the side.
“To put this on her, that she’s using sex to push the married man, is a stretch.
“Why make her sound conniving when it’s him that’s pushing?”
Ellie - A mis-interpretation here, because I agree with you. She’s an ethical person, he’s the one pushing for sex. I find her wise, practical, and self-protective, not conniving.
I don’t blame her at all, she’s trying to do what she believes is “the right thing.”
Tip of the day:
Don’t make assumptions about women who work with your husband/boyfriend. If you feel he’s going to cheat, that’s a problem about him... or the marriage.