I’m 22, and my choice in men is not the same as my parents. I moved to Canada in 2004, and my parents, being Asian, were very strict about not dating, and when getting married, only marrying an Asian man.

They’d caught me dating an African American man before and were extremely angry - threatening to cut me off, saying that I don't care about my family and relatives, and saying they hope I die.

However, I was younger then and didn't love him, so we broke up eventually.

I stopped dating for years, to focus on school and avoid drama with my family.

However, last year I ran into a guy and couldn't stay away from him. I think he is The One. I’ve ended up dating an African-American again.

My parents don't know yet as I go away for school and visit them in summer. But I know what to expect from them, as they’re very conservative and traditional.

My mom has often explained her blunt views towards interracial marriage and is already talking about finding a guy for me.

I love my family a lot but I don't want to marry someone I don't like. It seems fate just brought me to this man.

His family’s very accepting and he knows not to expect much from mine. But I’m scared that when I tell them, they’ll emotionally blackmail me again, by talking about cutting me out of the family.

Lost Girl

Start thinking about “what to expect” from yourself, and from your boyfriend.

Your parents are unlikely to change, (especially since they resort to harsh threats).

So, consider whether you can accept living a married life, and having children, without contact with them.

Also, consider your boyfriend’s reaction, even if they relent after their grandchildren arrive. Can he accept people who’ve been so negative about him, whose basic racism may affect any children you may have? Talk to him about this.

If you see your life with him, no matter what, get prepared to go for it. You’ll have to tell them and stop any process to marry you off. If you fear they’ll harm you, then make a plan to leave at that point.

I’m 32, and single. I’ve dated men off and on but nothing serious since my high-school boyfriend.

For a long time, the possibility of potential heartache kept me closed off from men. Lately, I felt ready for something more.

But I only seem attracted to the same type - the take-it-day-by-day kind of guy.
Now, instead of being strung along, I can sense our differences and have an honest conversation about our wants, which ends the relationship.
Should I talk to a therapist about why I always choose the same type? I know it, and my friends know it, entering into the relationship.

The time it takes me to realize the similarity to past relationships is becoming much faster. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

The Same Guy

No, but it’s a “mistake” you’re ready to correct.

You keep wrongly associating every connection with hurt, because of the one that flattened you when you were younger, less confident, and vulnerable.

You had high-school-level emotions.

You’ve outgrown the fears that destroy judgment. It’s a good time to see a therapist, now that you’re open to change. Getting professional help, with the steps to make it happen, will also give you the courage and self-respect to insist you deserve better than “same-old.”

FEEDBACK Regarding “Worried Teenager” who feels no boy will really like her (May 9):

Reader #1 – “She may’ve developed a wrong reputation. But no person’s worth seeing just for selfish reasons on their part (gratuitous sex).

“You have a lot to offer, DON’T sell yourself short.”

Reader #2 – “This girl doesn’t want to "drown in depressing thoughts," she feels "ugly," that she’ll "never" be the person she thinks she should be.

“Your response focused on her inability to have a rewarding relationship with a boyfriend. But she’s reaching out for help in other ways, too.

“I was one of these girls at her age, and years later I cringe at her anguish.

“Her symptoms were identical to mine just before I tried to take my life with handfuls of medication.”

Ellie – Thanks for this important perspective. I urge all teenagers feeling deep despair to call Kids Help Phone Hotline – 1-800- 668-6868.