I was seeing my next-door neighbour for two months. He's 33; I'm 25. He broke up with me because he said he wasn't currently into dating, wasn’t where he wants to be in life, and doesn’t think he’ll ever get married.

He was my first boyfriend. We had so much fun together!

But he was against marriage because of his brother's divorce, and his parents’ not-great relationship.

I want to get married and have kids eventually.

He said we could be friends; I agreed, but want more.

Recently, he invited me to hang out. We spent the whole day together. He asked if I think we should try it again.

I’d had four beers, but he’d had seven. He changed the topic.

He’s not suggested hanging out again.

I need to ask him what makes him want to “try again?" But I’m nervous and scared.

Should I give him a second chance because I have feelings? Or take things as they come and not put a title on our relationship?

Confused Neighbour

He already labelled it – “Friends.” He only asked about “trying” again after seven beers. And hasn’t seen you since.

He’s not ready for your “more.” Avoid heartache by cooling your feelings. He lives too close for comfort, and he’s been too clear about keeping a distance.

Being friends will give you false hope. And you may end up as friends with benefits, which is demeaning when you want a real relationship.

My husband’s a kind, fair, good man, and husband/father. We get along well, have much in common, and enjoy each other’s company.

What started off as a very low sex drive, dwindled to nothing rapidly. He’s not comfortable touching, cannot relax, and giving me oral sex is distasteful to him.

He’s a homebody. I don't think he’s cheating, and he doesn’t have erectile dysfunction (ED).

I don’t believe he’s gay, but he seems asexual.

Talking about it is awkward as he’s happy with the way things are and doesn't understand why I can't put sex aside. When I describe what I miss and want, it sounds like a putdown on his masculinity.

I’m confident in my own sexuality. I chose years back to re-ignite a sexual relationship with an old lover. Loving and touching was as wonderful as ever. Our few opportunities were magical and continued for years.

However, both of us were bothered by the non-ethics of the situation and ended it. Also, my lover wasn’t moving forward with other relationships so I felt it was unfair to him.

I rely on masturbation for sexual release, but anticipate lifelong celibacy and despair. An "open relationship" would be appalling to my husband, so I’d never suggest it.

Divorcing him would devastate him, and explaining the reason to family/friends would embarrass him.

I tell myself, "OK, everything else is good, live with it!"

A No-Sex Marriage

You’ve found your own practical solution. It’s not perfect for your wants, but you have the good sense to weigh the good things in your life against what’s missing.

Over time, some things may change, whether in small or major ways. Whether you meet another potential lover, or you ultimately lose interest in sex yourself, you’ll know how to handle it.

That’s because you’ve gained good insight into what you can handle, and how you want to deal with your husband and family.

Thanks for sharing a thoughtful and respectful side of this marital dilemma, which, I know from readers’ emails, many others share.

My partner of 15 years attends Gestalt Therapy classes. At year’s end, the students go to a lakeside therapy camp.

She told me she’d taken off her dress while dancing, as part of her school performance there. She wore only bra and panties.

She knew I’d be hurt and disapprove. I feel it’s wrong and not normal to expose yourself like that. It’s sexual in nature, which I believed was between only us. Have I overreacted by asking her to leave?

Gestalt Turmoil

Yes. At a lake, she likely wore a bathing suit to swim. Underwear covers the same body parts. While somewhat sexual in nature, stripping off outerwear isn’t uncommon in performance expression.

Gestalt therapy is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on the person’s experience in the present moment. She may’ve been expressing freedom from others’ controls – yours, for example. She told you about it.

You overreacted instead of discussing her message.