My spouse of 15 years was working out of town and moved back home after three years.
While away, I learned about his cheating with three different women, though he claims he only slept with one.
He "apologized," swearing that he'd never cheat again. That was one year ago.
Two weeks ago, a woman approached us in a grocery store. Turns out he’d cheated again, with her, a woman in our same city.
He says it lasted about a month and he had sex with her twice. His excuse is that it was hard for him living away from home.
He claims that a lot of things made him think I was cheating. He felt insecure, that I didn't care about him.
I've lost all trust in him, torn apart from all the lying and cheating. But I still love him, still want to be with him.
We have three kids together and purchased our house two years ago, so there's a lot at stake.
I was faithful, honest and tried so hard to keep my family together. He just thinks about himself and his feelings and needs.
Now he acts like nothing happened. During small arguments he accuses me of things that made him think I was cheating.
I was also insecure and felt horrible about everything going on while he was away, but I didn't use that as an excuse to cheat.
Am I right to give this relationship another shot?
It’s highly likely he’ll cheat again. He finds every excuse for it, including turning his own behaviour on you with accusations that you’re doing the same.
With three children to consider, it’s a question of how much of this hurtful humiliation and disrespect you can take.
Especially since it’s already led to bumping into a local woman with whom he’s cheated.
I believe you’ve written this letter because you also see the future as more of the same and that what happens next is your last attempt to make your marriage work.
He has to somehow recognize that unless he becomes a faithful husband, his comfort zone of having a loving wife accepting whatever he does, will end.
Counselling could help him see the light, but he’s unlikely to stay with it, or even go. But you should go on your own to explore your own options as a woman and mother.
I’m a man, 36, interested in a young lady who’s 11 years younger. We currently work together (however, she'll be moving on soon).
I’m physically attracted to her, and we also have a lot of the same interests, values and qualities.
We’ve been seeing each other as friends, going to the gym, playing various sports, etc.
I sought information from her good friend and learned that she’s very interested in me, but the age gap is the deal breaker. I considered it too.
Since she seems to be holding back (due to age) should I do the same, or express my feelings in case she changes her mind?
Age or Feelings?
She’s 25, old enough to speak for herself (the friend may be expressing her own feelings about the age gap).
Her moving to another workplace is an opportunity to say you hope to still enjoy some sports activities with her, as friends.
See how things go once you’re in less-easy contact. If your friendship continues, the time for expressing your feelings will present itself. Or the age-difference discussion will just arise naturally.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who says her husband is having an emotional affair with someone he loves (June 5):
Reader – “If she really believes her husband is NOT having an affair with his business partner, she’s only fooling herself.
“She should’ve gotten out of this marriage by now. If he’s not getting hugs and sex at home, you can be sure he’s getting it elsewhere.
“That he told her that he loves this woman should’ve been her big clue. The text she found should’ve been her first.
“This is someone who just doesn’t want her life turned upside down but…. it already is.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who wants her “stuff” back from her ex-boyfriend’s home (June 7):
Reader – “Someone who’s left/abandoned their "stuff" with their ex for two years should have no reasonable expectation of getting it back.
“He was under no obligation to be the keeper of it. After two years, he shouldn’t be harassed.”
Tip of the day:
When a cheater keeps expecting he/she will be forgiven, the behaviour will not change.