I’ve been having an affair since September and am insanely sexually attracted to this married man. We’ve both tried to end it, but didn’t.
I don’t want him to leave his wife. I see no future together other than sex, but I can’t stay away from him. I once lasted only two weeks.
This has never ever happened to me before. I’m 61 and my sex drive is off the charts with him. He’s equally attracted to me.
What Do I Do?
You sound like you’re bragging yet feeling guilty about cheating without love or romance as excuses.
You’re aware of the hurt and damage to another woman’s life if this affair continues. Yet you claim that you “can’t stop.”
Whatever’s pumped up your sex drive doesn’t only have to do with this one man.
If you tried dating unattached men, you might find the same energy, fantasies, sex toys, etc. also lead to active, turned-on sex.
Not likely? Actually, many women your age range enjoy a post-menopausal surge of sexual interest and excitement.
The change factor is in you, not him.
So, since you’re uncomfortable about cheating on his wife, see a therapist to discuss your inner conflict.
You’re old enough to know and do better, but weak enough to make excuses. Find out why.
My girlfriend of 14 years, who’s now my fiancée, decided to move to Europe soon to work, possibly for several years.
She says she needs this move to better herself and her career, and that we’ll have a better future because of it.
I’ll be broken-hearted and crushed without her.
We’d see each other every few months but phone chat would likely be infrequent due to time difference. What’s your opinion?
The odds on this decision ending up with you two together, aren’t great… mostly because she’s made this decision on her own.
Many long-distance relationships do work, but they thrive on mutual commitments to the plan and a lot of contact through face-time, Skype, visits as frequent as possible.
There also has to be a true sense of shared information, such that you know each other’s new friends, activities, even the small details of what’s happening in each other’s workplaces, etc.
But she’s pushing this move while you’re very concerned. This decision needs a lot more open discussion.
Six weeks ago, I learned that my husband’s having an emotional affair with a subordinate in his office. She’s 14 years younger than him.
I asked him to end it and he refused! So, I told him that our 31-year marriage was over.
I’ve since discovered his astronomical amount of unsecured debt with my name on two credit cards which I knew nothing about.
Every week something new is revealed! It’s as if he has a second life! How do I protect myself from this?
If there’s any money left in a joint bank account, take out as much as you’re allowed under the bank’s rules.
Quickly see a lawyer to whom you’re referred by a trusted source (not the lawyer you’ve shared with your husband for marital matters like your wills).
You’ll be advised on ways to deal with any joint assets such as your house, investments you thought were jointly owned, insurance policies, etc.
If the surprise discoveries continue, you may need to hire a private investigator to search for any hidden monies, arrangements, etc. that your husband’s handling without your knowledge.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose husband had a four-year emotional affair with another woman (June 5):
Reader – “Yes, she should ask him to join her in counselling, I agree with that completely.
“However, I think it would be wise for you to have suggested that she should examine with herself, and in couples’ therapy, why he felt that he needed to find the emotional support of someone else.
“As someone who has been through couples’ counselling, it is much better if you examine the faults that your own actions have made, along with the impact those mistakes made on driving your partner’s decisions.
“From the letter-writer’s information, it sounds like they simply stopped supporting each other.
“Maybe they had a communication breakdown, or they grew apart in their common everyday connections with each other.
“But, if he refuses to go for counselling with her, she still needs to include this investigation in her own therapy.”
Tip of the day:
Sex, if it’s your only connection to a married person, is a self-indulgent excuse for cheating on someone else’s unknowing partner.