When I was 19, I pointed at a smiling guy two pub-booths over and told my friend, “He’s 100% my exact physical type.”
I walked over, sat down across from him and introduced myself.
Never before had I slept with a new guy the first night that I met him. But I couldn’t help how physically attracted we both were.
Best night of my life, too, even speaking 14 years later. Love at first sight. The more we talked and hung out that nigh, the happier my heart.
But he was still living with his ex-girlfriend, mother to his three-year-old.
I played hard to get, not trusting a first-night thing. So, he stayed with his baby-mom and saw me on the side.
He was five years older. I was renting a whole house from my family, living it up on the bar scene.
He said he knew that I loved him and that I was a good girl and deserved a really committed boyfriend.
But he knew he could call or show up whenever and wherever, and that I’d love it.
We remained “friends” over a decade. He had two more babies, one with his first daughter’s mom and one with another woman, and he got married to another.
He also spent a few years in jail where I’d write, visit, and he’d call consistently.
His wife was a kind person, madly in love with him. He loved her too. We both didn’t want to cheat on her.
When she suddenly died, we got even closer. Then he was in jail again. After he was released, he lived with the mother of baby #3.
We didn’t speak for over a year. Finally, things felt correct. We still loved each other.
But three months later he’s back in jail, not convicted until three years later, then not sentenced for over a year. How could I walk away from the love of my life?
Once in the penitentiary, he starts drifting away, picks fights with me, stops calling and writing back. I was heartbroken.
Turns out that he met somebody so great that he just tossed me aside. He’s only got one more year inside, but I haven’t heard from him in five months.
I’ve never loved anyone else, but now I want to love someone. How do I explain my story, that I don’t have any real relationship experience and haven’t physically been with a man in over seven years?
I’m 33 and most likely won’t get married or have children. I need to get over this so that I can socialize, get a support system, and have a happy life.
Your love affair was profound due to more than the instant attraction. It became a romantic obsession, for both of you.
You were young, living an unrestrained lifestyle, with apparently little family guidance. He was older, in and out of relationships and jail, yet you both clung to a fantasy of pure love.
Nothing in that dream ever really pointed to a future.
At 33, you’ve awakened to a hopeful reality. There’s every possibility of having a happy life if you put your “story” in the past. You don’t have to hide it, nor keep re-living it.
Counselling can help you, so can socializing, if you don’t rush into new relationships. Build supports through trusted family and friends. You’re loyal and loving plus wiser now, so have confidence that there is a future for you.
FEEDBACK Regarding the man, 86, who complained about his 84-year-old wife’s disinterest in sex, which he tries to achieve “by force” (June 5, 2019):
Reader #1 – “I think in this guy's case, it would be very appropriate to use the term "attempted rapist" because that's who he is.
“She needs to leave him before he becomes even more violent and she ends up in the hospital or in the morgue. He's a dangerous man and should be in jail for what he attempted to do to his wife.”
Reader #2 – “I too have a rampant 83-year-old husband but I actively encourage him to watch porn movies and play with his sex toys.
“He appreciates my understanding and never forces himself on me as I am not interested. We have a happy marriage.
“Toys and movies are readily available in sex shops which can be found in most large towns.”
Tip of the day:
Past relationships needn’t define you. They can make you wiser, more selective, and more ready for a happy future.