My close friend is a staunch Catholic. Our mutual friend is Jewish. I’m agnostic and no, this isn’t the opening line of a dad joke. We have been friends since university, we love each other, we respect each other, and we respect each other’s belief systems. Religion never gets in the way of our friendship.
Recently, however, the Catholic has been posting some very devout statements. Nothing negative about any other religion, but, in these very sensitive times, his statements are insensitive to our Jewish friend. The Jewish friend hasn’t said anything, but if I’m feeling it, I know he must be.
I am reaching out to the Jewish friend today, to give him my support and love, and to discuss the statements being made by our Catholic friend. Just to get a sense of what he is thinking, feeling, planning on doing, expecting me to do. But I really want to reach out to the Catholic friend. I’m not sure if he gets it, and I want to enlighten him before it blows up.
Should I be getting involved?
A priest, a rabbi and an atom
This is a very touchy subject, however, if we remove the specifics, you still have one person making comments that are insensitive to another. I think you are doing the right thing by supporting your one friend, because he is your friend. Simple as that. And I think you should speak to the other friend because he really may not know that what he is saying is hurtful and/or insensitive. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt.
The problem will be if the friend making the comments refuses to hear your explanation or see things from your angle. If he chooses not to care about the feelings of the other friend. Sadly, in that case, you’ll have to make a choice.
You can’t be friends with someone who knowingly chooses to hurt someone else, especially when the latter is also a good friend.
It’s not about the specifics, the facts, the why, or the how. It’s about humanity and the core values of friendship.
Why do people judge other people? I’m not talking about obvious blatant judgement, as in, people who judge others for the colour of their skin, or their clothing choices, or their relationship choices. I’m talking about judging people on their lives.
I work hard and own my own company. It’s a small company with not that many employees and I work all hours. My husband has severe mental health issues and is in a home as I couldn’t care for him. We have three children. To pay for my husband’s care, we had to sell our home and now rent. The rent is high where we live, and I know for a fact that I pay more in rent than some of my friends pay to their mortgage.
My new neighbour learned that we are renters and built a fence between our properties because he didn’t want to be associated with us. We are excellent renters. We take care of the property as though it is our own. You would never know.
Why does this person feel he can judge us, and for what purpose?
Judged by the privileged
That is awful, and I am so sorry you must deal with such ugly behaviour from your neighbour. He has no right to judge you. But do NOT let him get under your skin. You are a strong person dealing with whatever life has thrown at you. Live your life to your standards and don’t let the judgers win.
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