All I wanted for Christmas was for my husband to come clean on his cheating. He did not. I gave him several chances, several opportunities for honest communication. He didn’t have the guts or the maturity. He pretended we were a happy loving couple throughout the festive season.

I don’t want to pretend any more. I’m done. I don’t want to celebrate New Years with him. I don’t want to go out for drinks with friends if he’s there. I just don’t want to be lied to anymore.

I want to just come out and say something. But with no proof that I can show, I’ll just look like a fool, which he’ll make the most of in his favour. What do I do? I can’t live like this anymore.

Lying, cheating

What I wrote this woman privately was that she doesn’t have to have proof, and she doesn’t have to stay in her marriage. If she knows in her gut that he’s cheating, then he probably is. Also, just a reminder: cheating doesn’t have to mean having sexual relations with another person. An emotional affair is just as bad, if not worse, and those are harder to prove.

It’s your life and you deserve to live it happily, honestly and not under someone else’s problems. If your partner doesn’t care to help you see that they are NOT cheating, then they’re cheating. Just saying, “No, I’m not. You’re crazy,” isn’t convincing or sincere.

I’m writing as a mother whose heart is breaking for her son.

Earlier this year, my son fell in love with another young man he met during a school exchange program in Vancouver. My son had told me about it a few weeks into the relationship after he found out the guy he was seeing was having one-night stands on gay dating apps. He still really liked him, despite the red flags. My son made it clear that he was nervous but went along with it because he truly cared for him.

Then came a school trip to Whistler. On this trip, his (now boyfriend) started mistreating him. Before this, he treated my son so well and was really helping him get through this tough time. Then I started getting calls at night that my son felt completely alone and manipulated. He ignored him and outed him to his class.

Eventually, the boy broke up with my son. I watched my child crumble. He keeps asking himself how someone who (he thought) once cared so much could suddenly treat him like nothing.

As his mother, I don’t know how to help him heal. He’s still surrounded by reminders of this boy and still must see him act confident and adored. He’s blaming himself, even though he did everything out of love. It's been months, and he still thinks about him.

How can I help my son move on from this heartbreak, especially when it’s his first love, and it’s tied up with so much confusion and rejection? How do I make him see that he deserved better?

First heartbreak

Dig deep and try to remember your first heartbreak. Nothing anyone said or did felt helpful. But he hears you; he hears it all. You, his dad, his siblings and his friends need to rally around him. Shower him with love, support and positivity.

It’s a rite of passage to have your heart broken at some point in life. He’s not alone. Help him see the red flags, the signs so they’re clearer next time. Help him dissect the good from the bad.

Allow him his sorrow, focus on the good, and give him time to heal. He’s young; he’ll heal.

FEEDBACK Regarding fake orgasms (Oct. 10):
Reader – “How does he know she's faking??  Does he know how women have orgasms? I had a boyfriend leave me and found out years later that he told a friend I was faking orgasms. He believed orgasms for women only happened with slam bam intercourse.  I was NOT faking.

“His assumption that he knows what is happening with the other person makes communication impossible.”

Lisi – I didn’t feel that from the column, but you may be right.