We developed a fantastic relationship over one year - I have a grown daughter and one grandchild, she has young children. 

We spend time at each other’s houses sharing family responsibilities. However, she’s separated from her husband of 14 years after a marriage with no communication, affairs on both sides, and much time apart.

She had four affairs, one with someone she’s been involved with for 20 years. Her job has her meeting this former lover for long lunches several times monthly.

Another colleague, married, suggested an affair, and she also regularly lunches with him.

She travels, and has dinner and drinks till midnight with her clients. She says I have to trust her, she loves only me, would never hurt me, and that what I do for her and her family are most important.

I have trust issues and don’t know if I can believe her. I’m considering proposing but we always argue about these “business” relationships. She insists she’ll have lunch with whomever she wants.

- Want To Believe

This is a woman who wants lots of male attention, along with independence. That doesn’t mean she’d cheat on a man she loves, and who is devoted to her. However, she’s unfair when she blocks off discussion. 

With no communication in her previous marriage, and with you having “trust” issues, it’s imperative you both learn to talk about a problem rather than fight. You should be introduced to the former lover, he needs to see you two as a loving couple.

A married colleague who wanted an affair, should be handled at arm’s length by her. And her new found love relationship with you should have her less eager for late-night socializing, yet she still may have to entertain clients. So stop watching the clock.

If you can stop questioning her, and she can adjust some of her “work routines,” things should settle. But don’t plan a marriage till you’ve worked on changes.

My mother and I were close but after my parents’ divorce, things soured. 

My father was very abusive; I supported her. But we ended up bickering more; she’s accused me falsely, and says I’m like my father (she can’t say how).

She kicked me out during my first year of university. I’m getting great grades, working for high-profile companies, and I am responsible.

My brother still lives at home, behaving irresponsibly.

She’ll often get mad at me for the smallest things but doesn’t get upset with him.

I recently came across a list she created - my brother was listed as an asset; my father and me were the liabilities.

How do I try to fix the relationship when my mother is so unhappy with me? I value her company and her guidance as a parent.

- Outlawed

Your mother is likely most angry at herself for all that she endured from your father. She may not have the depth of understanding or self-examination to realize that she’s turned on you as representative of her (even if you look or have some genetic characteristics of your father). Your brother has become the new man in her life. 

Fortunately, you’ve advanced far beyond her negativism and care for yourself well. Carry on, do NOT be put down by your mother, and try to keep the relationship smooth as you can.

If it gets too hurtful, distance a while and consider getting counselling. Mom needs it more than you, but is unlikely to go… unless she sees you lead the way to self-confidence and becomes interested.

My fiancé’s been in my life for years; my mother never liked him. 

Several years ago we fought about all my life choices (just not hers). We’re barely speaking.

I want a happy wedding day, with my family all there. But if she’s present, there’ll be stress. I’ll be waiting for her to say/do something negative and cause a scene.

If I don’t invite her, she’ll crash the day somehow.

- Undecided Bride

She’ll be a negative presence in your mind, either way. 

Do the right thing, but do it right. Invite her, and assign a close understanding friend or relative to keep her company, and divert her from worrisome comments or actions.

If she has any old friends or family who can also keep her engaged, sit her with them.

By not including her, you’d set up a greater wall of hurt and hostility between you associated with this marriage.