The grounds for my divorce of 21 years ago, were mental and physical cruelty. The problem still exists.
My ex is constantly harassing me.
He is also a violent offender with a history of assaults. He tried to stab me, then threatens using other weapons and firearms.
No matter how many times I’ve reported the creep to the cops, he starts up the harassment again, then verbal threats that he leaves on my answering machine. The cops know all this.
I don't have a phone number anymore. It's not fair that I have to live in fear of what's next.
I'm a 59-year-old female with substantial disabilities related to my back and weak heart.
Why Does Ex Still Harass Me?
You ask a question that no one can answer unless there’s an official investigation by the police whom you say you’ve repeatedly informed of this harassment. Yet, despite your reports, he persists, which indicates that they haven’t moved forward with a restraining order to stop him.
Repeatedly, readers have written to this column from their own experience, saying that such orders are rarely issued by police until, and unless, an incident occurs.
In your case, if all your facts are true, and you live in fear and isolation because of his threats, you need some answers from an official report by police as to why they’ve taken no action, as far as you know.
To get an answer, I believe you’ll need the help of a lawyer. While there’s an expense involved, if it’s at all affordable the cost may well be worth your peace of mind if you finally learn why nothing’s been done, and/or your lawyer pushes for action that ends the harassment.
There are some lawyers who’ll take on a case like this at minimal or no cost, if they believe it’s a matter of neglect by those who are supposed to protect vulnerable people from living in fear.
Meanwhile, if you’re living alone and fearful of imminent danger, contact or go to a women’s shelter, your closest “YWCA.” Or call an association for abused women in your area and ask for help.
FEEDBACK Regarding the “Blonde Bombshell” who’s worried that not dyeing her greying hair blonde any longer may affect her youthful partner’s attitude towards her (January 3):
Reader – “I agree with your advice to Blonde Bombshell on options to colouring her hair.
“However, it appears to me that her partner is a shallow human being (at best).
“If she wishes to continue to dye her hair, that’s her prerogative and she may find different ways to accomplish this that won’t affect her health or physical comfort. (Ellie – the dye is making her scalp itchy and causing a skin rash).
“I think that if her relationship with this man depends on her continuing to be a “blonde bombshell,” regardless of the consequences to her, she needs to dump him ASAP.
“He’s not a partner. He just wants “eye candy” on his arm.
“Is he going to dump her when he notices her first wrinkle or her breasts start to sag? He’s a loser. She should dump him.”
Reader #2 – “I also began greying in my early-20s. I had the same issue of itchiness, a rash.
“Now when I get my hair coloured, my stylist mixes in one small package of artificial sweetener. Unsure how or why it works but it does. No more reactions from the colour.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who was very curious about how the father of her son’s hockey teammate was able to attend his own son’s every practice and game (January 3):
Reader – “My husband was a stay-at-home dad for many years while I worked full time at a professional job.
“We had five kids. He did all the things that women have always done without pay – such needed things as cooking, laundry, buying groceries, changing diapers, caring for sick kids and so on.
“He also did most of our car repairs until computerized systems on the newer vehicles made it impossible.
“I have one question for that nosy woman: If the teammate’s mother came to all the games and the dad never did, would she ask what the friend's mom did all day?”
Ellie – My main point was that it was none of her business. There’s no polite way to ask.
Tip of the day:
No one should live fearing threats/harassment with nowhere to turn. Police and social agencies need to respond.