My boyfriend’s family has invited me away for a post-holiday extended long weekend. It’s a tradition they have created since their children have all finished school and their schedules allow them to not have to travel during the school breaks. It’s much less crowded and a lot less expensive. This is only the third year they’ve done it since my boyfriend has a younger sister who was still in school until recently.
I’m flattered that they asked and I’m excited to go, but I’m not sure if my boyfriend really wants me there. I know that sounds backwards, but his mom invited me, not him.
I can’t tell if he’s being funny because SHE asked, or because he doesn’t want me to join. What should I do?
Vacation Quandary
You need to have a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend BEFORE the plans are made and paid for. His mom may have jumped the gun on this one and he may not be ready to travel with you or incorporate you that deeply into his family unit. That’s fine, depending on how long you two have been together, but you are not a mind reader, and you need to know how he feels.
If his only issue is that she asked before he got around to it, assure him that it doesn’t matter. That being together, you and he, on vacation will be so much fun, no matter how you got there! However, if he really isn’t ready for that step, then respect that, thank his mother for the invitation, and politely decline.
Why do some people just let themselves go? I bumped into a couple the other day and had trouble hiding my surprise at their appearance. They have both gained a huge amount of weight (I would say an easy 50 pounds), they’ve let their hair grow long and straggly, and they both looked haggard. And they are only in their mid-50s!
We had a nice conversation, in which they only told me good things about their family, so I can only surmise that nothing horrific has happened to anyone close. I do know that grief and tragedy can take a toll. So, I’m concerned about their health and welfare.
I mentioned to a few mutual friends that I bumped into this couple, hoping that someone would enlighten me, but everyone danced around the same issue. Is there something we can say or do? They are a good-looking couple who both used to be sporty, active, popular and energetic. Something just doesn’t add up.
Fallen Friends
That does sound concerning, especially with the background information you have given. If possible, perhaps you and a few of the other women could invite this woman out for an afternoon walk and talk, or coffee, or lunch. If you can get her for a walk, she may share that she is struggling, which could open the door for conversation.
Deducing that no one in their family is unwell was wise. You can check that off the potential WHY list. The oddity is that they BOTH have changed their appearance. Usually, one person has a health issue, or injury, or some mental health challenge (even something like losing a job can affect your mental health greatly). More often, when two people make a dramatic change, it’s more positive. I know a couple who were both extremely overweight and unhealthy and they decided enough was enough. They BOTH lost over 100 pounds and took back their health.
Hopefully, this couple will find encouragement in your caring and concern, maybe share with you what’s going on, and lean on you for support and positive change.
FEEDBACK Regarding teenage parties (Oct. 23):
Reader – “You posted a feedback that was directed at my feedback (Aug.23) that was in response to a letter (July 8). Nowhere did I indicate that it was a pool party my granddaughter had for her 18th birthday. My family doesn’t even have a pool. I was commenting on the terrible mess left by the attendees at that party and the disrespect shown by the attendees towards the girl’s mother. I compared that to the respectful behaviour shown by my granddaughter’s friends towards her parents. It continues as they gathered there when she was home from university for the Thanksgiving weekend.
“My letter was NOT about a pool party. Of course, pool safety is a serious issue. Anyone with an iota of common sense knows that. Please clarify that my letter was not referring to a pool party but to respectful behaviour when a guest at another person’s house.”