I have a very good friend who lives in another province. We met when we were kids at summer camp and kept in touch for many years. We lost touch but for no reason. When we found each other again, just a few years ago, we were both over the moon. And now we talk all the time.

Unfortunately, we lead very disparate lives and have very opposing lifestyles. Where I work an intense full-day shift, she works from home, setting her own schedule and still makes twice as much money as I do, if not more. So, when she picks up the phone to chat, she’s able to talk for ages. I’m almost always the one saying, I’m sorry I have to go.

I have a week’s vacation later this summer and I’ve invited her to join me on a road trip to Long Island, New York, where there’s a cute bed and breakfast I’ve been to many times before. It’s cheap, clean and very cheerful. She’s agreed to come but now I’m afraid she’ll hate it and we’ll have a terrible time.

What do I do?

Different Strokes

Manage your expectations of her and give her the full rundown so she can manage her expectations of the place you chose. Be very clear that this place is inexpensive, which fits your budget, but clean and cute. Send her a website, a link to their Instagram page, even just some photos from your past stays.

Then plan some fun stuff to do and talk about on your road trip. Be silly and make everyday a theme day, or play 20 questions, or tell her to create the best play list from your childhood and you’ll do the same.

The goal is to have fun and enjoy each other’s company. No one should be expected to change or mould to the other.

Last week, my mother called every day giving me bad news about someone else in her friend group. One died, one was in hospital dying, one was just diagnosed with cancer, one fell and broke her hip and one’s husband had a heart attack and dropped dead. An absolutely horrific week! And yes, every person I mentioned is in a worse place than my mother at this moment, but I’m very worried that she’s going to break. That’s a LOT of bad news for a person of her age to handle.

How can I help her through this very tough time?

Too Much

That is indeed a lot of very terrible news for anyone to have to bear. I’m so sorry for your mom and the losses she is suffering. There are a few things I would suggest doing to help her through this time: Go and spend some time with her and let her talk about each person who you mentioned earlier.

Discuss how she would like to deal with each situation. For example, would she like to attend the funeral? Does she need/want you to accompany her? Would she like to visit her friend in hospital before that person dies? Does she need/want you to accompany her there too? What would she like to do for the person with cancer and the person with the broken hip? And how does she feel she can support the new widow?

Look at your calendar and hers, and pencil in when and where you can help. Remind her that though these are all her friends, she is not suffering and she needs to be there to support them as best she can. Depending on your mom’s physical and mental health, help her do all the things she wants to do for her people.

And if she just needs a shoulder to cry on, be there for her.

FEEDBACK Regarding mother’s little helper (May 25):

Reader – “Due to complicated health issues, I've had to move an endless number of times over the years. For this reason, I am very familiar with every home-hunting website in existence! Perhaps this young man and his mother could check out, Kijiji.com and Padmapper.com. Craigslist is another option - however there are so many scammers on that website, they both need to be really careful!

“They might also check out the Student Union at his university as well as all of the universities and colleges in their city. Perhaps they could check out seniors’ organizations, too, as some of them have suites in their homes and might be willing to rent for an affordable price in exchange for basic yard work, grocery shopping, etc. Wishing them the best of luck!”

Lisi – These are all great ideas!