My mom and dad married young, and had me when they were still teenagers. Their marriage didn’t last and they divorced when I was still a child. Fortunately, they remained friendly and I have a great relationship with both.
My mom went on to have another relationship, and I have a sibling several years younger than me. Her father was kind to me and treated me well, but their relationship didn’t last and he’s no longer part of my life, though he sees my little sister.
Years later, my mom had another boyfriend and we have another sibling from that union, but the man was never part of our family.
I’m now in my early 20s, working, living at home with my mom and siblings, helping to raise the youngest and pay for whatever my mom can’t afford on her own. Though I love her and we have a good relationship, I can’t understand what she was thinking having me at such a young age, unable to afford the basics. I’m so mad at her for putting me in this position, that is, having to parent her daughter and pay her bills.
How am I ever going to start my own life, have a relationship, save money for my future?
Life doesn’t always happen the way we hope, or even plan. Your parents were young, and then quickly responsible for a child. That may or may not have been the plan. Either way, it didn’t work out the way they had hoped.
But you have grown and matured into a sensible young woman. In your early 20s, you can easily move out and stop helping your mom with the bills and the baby. But you choose to stay. I am sure your mother appreciates that.
It’s time to have a talk with your mom. Tell her how much you appreciate all that she has done for you, and how much you love her. Now tell her your hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Together, come up with a plan wherein you can still help her but also save for your future. You may need to talk to someone who is financially savvy, such as, someone at your local bank branch. This is usually a free service.
I’m very good friends with the principal at my children’s school. We met when he joined the staff two years ago, and we just hit it off. We’re both married with kids, but have never introduced our spouses to each other, though we have each spent time with the other’s spouse.
His wife is upset that we made plans to go out for dinner, just the two of us, next week to celebrate the end of school. We don’t get together much during the year because both of us are busy with children’s activities and family life.
I suggested he invite her along, but when she found out my husband wasn’t coming, she said she felt like a third wheel and cancelled. I’m fine whether she comes or not. My husband happens to be out of town that day, which is why I booked the date.
Why is she making such a big thing out of nothing?
Mountain of a Molehill
Your friend’s wife sounds insecure and jealous. Should she be? I don’t get that feeling from reading your letter, but I’m not there. Maybe she sees something in her husband when he talks to you, or about you.
Here’s an idea: why don’t you offer to bring dinner over to their house. That way she feels comfortable and solid on her territory and can hopefully enjoy the evening, and see that your friendship is just that.
FEEDBACK Regarding the feedback about an elderly man who didn’t want to go to indoor venues (May 30):
Reader – “Couldn't help but chuckle at the audiologist's response that the 92-year-old man ‘may wish to have a hearing test by an audiologist.’
“In my experience, far from ‘wishing’ to have a hearing test, most men refuse to acknowledge any hearing loss and refuse point blank to consider any form of hearing assistance. It could be the amount of money for hearing aids, pride or just plain obdurateness about acknowledging old age. Even the not-so-subtle technique of handing out articles on the correlation of hearing loss and Alzheimer's seems to have no effect.
“So, if your ever-so-clever readers have any solution to this problem, I'd be pleased to hear it. Just plain old grudging acceptance of the need would be enough.
“Or is this just a passive aggressive way of avoiding wifely ‘nagging?’”