My husband is a country boy. I knew when I met him that he was raised in the country, but we met in the city. I’m a city girl, and he knew that when we met. We spent holidays out with his parents and friends, and I have really come to enjoy the quiet and slower pace of the country.

We got married on his parents’ farm, and have spent lots of time out there while raising our young kids. And, as many people did, we moved out there (for several reasons) during COVID.

But we moved back at the end of the pandemic and have been back in the city for two solid years. The kids are happy, I’m happy, but my husband is not. He’s pushing for a permanent move. The kids are still young so the decision is ours, but they are not on board. They both love their school, their friends, and their extracurricular activities.

And I’m not interested. Full stop.

Is this going to be the end of our marriage? Is this what’s going to break us apart? Will my husband not feel that family is more important than location?

I’m afraid to talk about it, and afraid not to talk about it. What do we do?

City vs. Country

This is such a tricky – and not uncommon – situation. No doubt he’s wondering the same thing, as in, is our marriage not more important than location? The truth is, you two need to compromise. I’m not sure what that looks like, but if you don’t, and one of you “wins,” resentment will surely ensue.

So, I suggest you go through all the pros and cons, from your viewpoint; and I suggest he does the same. Then talk it through. Maybe you’ll be able to come up with a plan together. If not, you’ll need counselling to see if a third party can show you the way. And if that doesn’t work, you’ll need counselling to figure out how to go your separate ways.

My daughter is pregnant, for the second time, with her husband whom I adore. Their daughter is my life – my first grandchild. She’s smart, sweet, funny and very loving. Thankfully, I have been able to spend a lot of time with her as I work part-time, and from my home.

My concern is that, though her parents are loving and spent quality time with her in the beginning, they put her in a daycare/nursery very early on. They are both very focused on their careers and admit that they are both fairly self-centred. Now that my daughter is pregnant again, I worry that my granddaughter will take an even further backseat in her parents’ world. I would hate for her to feel less loved.

How can I discuss this with my daughter and her husband?

Worried Grandma

You need to tread carefully here, Grandma. Whatever you do, you do not want your daughter and/or her husband to stop you from spending time with your granddaughter and the impending new baby. And they could if you upset them enough.

I know you’re coming from a place of love and concern, but they may hear it as judgemental and accusatory. So, tread softly.

I suggest offering your help in a more scheduled and concrete way - for example, every Monday you’ll take your granddaughter on an afternoon adventure, feed her dinner, have a sleepover, and then get her to school on Tuesday. Once that’s in place, you could talk to your daughter casually about how you can help once the baby comes, and talk to them from an interest standpoint of how they hope to add this other layer into their lives.

FEEDBACK Regarding the camp counsellor looking for help from her superiors (July 25):

Reader – “You hit the nail on the head when you mention that the end goal is the well-being of the campers. I am a nursery school staff member at a church and we are required to have our Plan to Protect certification before we work with children. Protection of this part of the ‘vulnerable sector’ is very important and includes way more than protecting against physical abuse.

“In this situation, there seems to be an uncaring attitude, by counsellors at every level, opening the way to more serious situations. It doesn't sound like there is a Plan to Protect program in place.”

Lisi – Plan to Protect was first created in 1996, and has since become known as the standard of abuse prevention and vulnerable sector protection.