How do I respond to a text I received from an ex-boyfriend of 18 months together who dumped me a few years ago? We were both early-30s and spent most weekends at my place, cooking together, being intimate.

My mistake was to one day use the word “future,” asking where he thought we were going with our relationship. He showed me by leaving. He texted once to say that he’d liked me a lot, but he didn’t want a future with anyone.

He then ghosted me on social media and all his contacts. I was deeply hurt!

This recent text is the first contact in two years. I was so surprised that I just answered his lame questions – yes, I’m fine, being careful about Covid, etc.

When he ran out of chat, I was fine. But now I’m disturbed. Part of me wants to text him back that I’ve moved way beyond his reach and not to contact me again, then ghost him right back!

But it feels empty and I don’t know why.

Disturbed by Ex Text

It feels “empty” because you’re so over this guy, knowing he lacks emotional intelligence as well as decency.

He didn’t owe you a “future” back then, but he sure owed you a better explanation. Eighteen months of intimacy warranted some understanding of the other person’s feelings, and, if not shared, a kind explanation.

Instead, he hid in silence. Now, during Covid, he’s sniffing old territory like a restless dog. You don’t have to sink to ghosting him, just don’t answer. He has nothing worthwhile to offer you, especially not himself.

 

A family member suddenly developed symptoms, got tested, and showed positive for the virus.

She’s a central person in our family – mother (widowed), grandmother, sister, aunt. She normally keeps in touch with all of us on a regular basis. She’s wise, warm and caring, always encouraging and helpful.

We’re distraught. Her condition worsened and she’s been hospitalized. Relatives and her friends are now calling/emailing to hear updates of her condition.

Her son, who’s working from home, is overwhelmed with his own worry plus trying to answer everyone. Her daughter finds the stress of all these questions about her mother’s condition very upsetting.

No one can visit. If she’s put on a ventilator, which seems likely, we also can’t text or call her as some were doing in the earlier stage.

What can we do to show our caring and concern without imposing on those closest to her?

Worried Relative

This is a sad scenario that in Canada alone has been affecting tens of thousands of families, friends, neighbours and colleagues since COVID-19 entered our lives over a year ago.

The response of close people is natural but mustn’t burden to those who are already suffering anxiety about their loved one’s life.

Someone has to become the contact person who people can email/phone for an update on your relative’s condition.

Since hospital information is usually only given to someone established as the primary contact, that’d more likely be her son or daughter.

He or she then passes on the message to the contact person. It’s not complicated and keeps any one person from getting barraged with queries.

Fear is itself contagious. The large group of those who’ve benefitted from knowing this woman need to keep up their spirits on her behalf, for the sake of those she loves in return.

FEEDBACK Regarding the mother’s threat to skip her daughter’s wedding (January 23):

Reader – “When I was marrying a Catholic girl (I'm Jewish), my mother disapproved and said she and her siblings wouldn’t attend.

I said I wanted her to help me celebrate, not pass judgement. Everyone attended. All was forgiven once grandchildren arrived.

FEEDBACK Regarding “Married and Miserable” expected to support his wife until she's well enough to leave him (January 22):

Reader – “She's been manipulative throughout and he's been too kind or unassertive to leave her. He may also be enabling her victim attitudes.

“Because he stuck around for eight years doesn't mean he's responsible for life. If she were in his place and he hanging on, you’d likely suggest she do what's best for her.”

Ellie – Wrong. She’s got PTSD from a well-documented random street shooting and needs support to be on her own. So, might he if he’d had that terrifying experience.