I've been dating a boy who’s a year older than me, starting university. We've known each other for four months, dated for two of those months.
But now that he's leaving for university in another city, I'm wondering how it’ll all work out.
He’ll only be an hour away, but I've been a bit irritated because it's the city where his ex-girlfriend lives.
He was with her right before he dated me.
I've heard that it didn't work out because she wasn't very nice. But I'm worried that it may’ve been because the relationship was long-distance and too hard to maintain.
I've met his family – we even spent a day at the beach with them - and have been friends with his brother a while.
We definitely seem to connect, but the relationship has been low-key. He never ended up posting a prom photo with me, which I originally thought wasn’t a big deal, but my friends think otherwise.
Does my relationship seem rocky or can it survive the distance?
One hour’s drive or bus ride is not “long-distance.”
Even if he were to attend university in your city, he’d be tied up with studies many week nights and you’d only be able to get together weekends.
But given the short distance, that shouldn’t be too difficult very often.
You’re both young, and it’s still a very early two-month relationship, though it was obviously an easy one that included his family.
Relax. Being “irritated” about his ex will only make you irritable, which won’t make your relationship pleasant.
If you show your concern, check up on him, become suspicious, etc., you’ll create a negative vibe between you.
Instead, be upbeat and encouraging about this new experience of starting higher education. Be understanding if he gets overwhelmed with work assignments and settling in there.
Most important, be positive – plan visits to him, make it easy for him to visit you, be open to meeting his new friends and classmates when that’s possible, etc.
At this stage, not all early romances last. That’s natural on both sides, given your ages.
But “worrying ahead” without evidence of anything wrong, is a set-up for pushing him away.
I’m a gay male who is out to most friends. One person I’m not out to is a close friend who’s asked me to be the Godparent for one of her children, as I have a great relationship with her kids.
She’s mentioned on more than one occasion that she accepts and is okay with gay people.
However, I’ve never felt I needed to disclose to her.
But if I am going to be her child's Godparent, I feel I need to disclose this part of me, but don't want to.
Is this a situation where I do have to disclose my sexuality, or could I not?
Being a Godparent is a relationship of trust and commitment.
You may never be needed to actually step into a parenting role due to a major crisis… but it can be a possibility.
I’d be surprised if your “close friend” doesn’t actually know that you’re gay and mentions her generalized acceptance so that you’ll feel safe to disclose to her.
What’s more interesting is why you “don’t want to” do so.
She obviously trusts you in this honoured position of responsibility. Do not accept being a Godparent unless you feel trust for her, and prepared to have a long-term involvement with her child.
FEEDBACK Regarding the mother “Cut Off” by her daughter and her husband, plus their children, because she believes they’ve been “narcissistic” and abusive parents (August 17):
Reader – “I belong to a support group of children of parents with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
“There are very few workable strategies for the victims (or scapegoats) of these parents. They suffer inner turmoil from lack of empathy, or compassion from parents who were supposed to love and nurture them.
“Narcissistic parents believe they can do no wrong.
“They lie and abuse their scapegoat in private, while others never see their evil side.
“Cut off” will never admit she might be to blame.
“We, their victims, try so very hard to be recognized and rewarded, that we develop our own disorders.
“We try low contact, but they find ways to drag us back into their drama.
“No contact is often the ONLY workable solution.”
Another Family Scapegoat
Tip of the day:
Don’t over-worry a relationship based on anxieties you build when nothing’s going wrong. Be positive instead.