When my husband and I started dating, I was very clear that dog ownership was a must.
He never had pets, but I grew up with dogs.
When we moved in together, he agreed to adopt a dog, whom we both loved dearly for six years until we had to put him down due to cancer.
Two years later, my husband still says he's not ready for another dog, and even asked, "What if I'm never ready?"
I still love him, but it makes me question his feelings for me.
I can't picture my life without a dog, and don't want my kids to miss out on growing up with a dog.
I'm afraid if I "let it go" that I'll end up resenting him.
But will he resent me if I keep pushing the issue?
You were clear, he compromised, the dog was beloved.
Now it’s time to explore where his feelings come into this picture, since you’re very vocal about your own.
He never had a pet before. That must’ve started with his parents’ preference and influenced him.
Did they feel that pets created expense and responsibilities they couldn’t handle? Or did they worry about the effect on their child when a pet has lived out its life?
Your husband adapted to the care and enjoyment of the dog. But he may not have adapted to its illness and death.
Have a conversation in which you LISTEN to what he feels and why.
Do NOT suggest he has to prove his love of you, as he could demand the same proof of you.
You two need to understand each other better, and if you can’t communicate on this impasse, see a counsellor and get to the root of what it’s about.
I'm 14-years-old, and think I have depression.
I've felt depressed since age eight. My parents have no idea of the way I’ve been feeling. They think that nothing’s wrong with me.
Two months ago, I went to the doctor for a check-up, and they made me take a depression test.
When the results came back, they said I scored really high and that I should talk to a professional about it.
They’d scheduled for the person to call my parents so we could make the appointment, but we missed the call.
Because my parents don't think anything’s wrong with me, they never called back.
Now I feel I'm getting worse, but I'm too scared to bring up the topic of calling back.
I'm not even sure if my parents still have that phone number.
Also, I'm scared to admit to my parents that I'm depressed, because I'm scared that they won't believe me, or that they'll be mad at me.
What should I do?
Hiding this from your parents does you no good at all, and only deepens your feelings of being on your own.
You don’t know how they’ll react since you’ve never opened up to them.
You’re smart enough to write for advice, so can certainly handle a phone call to the doctor’s office to ask for the phone number of the person referred.
Your email shows that you want help and that’s what your parents need to hear from you.
You can even start by writing down your feelings and fears in an email to them.
If they don’t respond to that, get back to your doctor and ask her/him to contact your parents directly.
FEEDBACK Regarding the high-risk pregnant wife with a smoke-allergic husband whose father has refused to give up smoking (August 26):
Reader – “Your advice is bang on. When my son was born, my wife told my father, then age 60 and who had smoked since age15, that he couldn't hold his grandson because of second-hand smoke.
“Within a month he quit smoking, cold turkey.
“When we visited my father, our son’s feet almost never touched the floor until he was four-years-old because my father carried him everywhere in the house.”
Ellie – Giving up smoking is very difficult and takes huge will and effort.
But this woman had the two closest people in her new immediate family to protect from the effects of second-hand smoke.
The soon-to-be grandfather will lose out terribly by forfeiting contact with his grandchild, as well as his daughter and son-in-law if he does not enter a smoking cessation program.
Tip of the day:
“Deal-breaker” topics like dog ownership, should be heard from both sides, with counselling help if needed.