How do I reconnect with my wife of 24 years?
She says that it's an invasion of her personal space when I get too close for more than seconds.
I’m confused because she says that she loves me, but our physical intimacy is at zero.
I contribute to our relationship by cooking, cleaning, helping with our kids, supporting her going back to school, respecting her choices, etc.
More confusing, my wife has suggested I get a "happy ending" from another woman.
How can I repair this situation?
A Cold Marriage
She’s turned off and it may not only be about sex.
Going back to school now brings a re-awakening of personal ambitions.
Sex is no longer where she wants to put her energy. She “loves” you as her partner in home-life and with the kids, but her emotions have turned inward.
Perhaps there are other issues – past hurts, someone else on the scene, or hormonal changes (there are remedies she could try).
But creating arbitrary distance is unfair. You deserve an explanation.
Reject the “happy ending” (she’s unfairly testing you) and suggest marital counselling, soon.
My boyfriend of eight months cheated on me three months ago with his co-worker.
I was aware that she’d been interested in him for some time. She’s unhappily married.
I learned something was happening last Valentines day when I saw her text on his phone saying, “Good Morning Sexy.”
I questioned him at length about what was going on and he swore he wasn't cheating. He said that she's obsessed with him. He did block her in front of me at my request.
My gut told me he wasn't lying. He rarely has free time without his son (he's a widower) and we’re always together.
He wasn't exhibiting suspicious behaviour and his phone has always been within sight of where I was. So I believed him.
Then, the other night I had a nagging feeling so I checked his phone. He’d unblocked her and there were many texts from her asking him to break up with me.
Confronted, he finally admitted that he slept with her once. He said he unblocked her to see if she was still psycho, which I believe to be a lie.
He begged me not to break up with him and reassured me that he wants to be with me. He said it was a weak moment. He's never cheated before and he doesn't know why he did this time.
I asked if there was something missing from our relationship and he said no. I really want our relationship to work.
Until now, l now he's made me the happiest I've been since I divorced seven years ago. Along with his child and mine, we’re like a blended family. I want to trust him again, but I'm not sure how to start.
Confused and Heartbroken
Spoiler alert: I’m not committed to the belief in, “once a cheater, always….”etc.
It may apply to some self-indulgent people who behave as serial cheaters.
But, most people who get caught in an office one-off with someone who won’t let go, don’t want to cheat again.
Even the mean description he used about her – a “psycho” – shows that he doesn’t want her; he wants you and the relationship you two built.
Still, he did cheat. You both need to learn why. He must talk this out with a professional. You should attend with him, at least for the therapist’s conclusions.
My mother died last November. She was married to her husband (20-years younger than her) for 40 years.
Thirty days after her death he started dating and moved a woman into the house that my mother had for 52 years.
He posted on Facebook that she’s “the love of my life.” I’m deeply hurt that he’d so publicly be very disrespectful to my mother and our still-grieving family.
We’ve had a fall-out over this and other matters. Now 90 days after her death they’ve removed everything in the house, and tossed all her stuff without notice to any of us.
Wrong to be Upset?
Crassly insensitive behaviour is hard to bear, especially when it’s affecting those who’ve lost a loved one.
Even if her husband had been devoted to your mother, he could’ve been less public about his new partner so soon after the death.
Tell him your feelings and decide whether further connection’s possible.
Tip of the day:
When a partner distances physically, both need to discuss the reasons (together or through counselling).