I was chatting with a guy online for a couple of months last year. Finally, he thought we should meet in person and I agreed. I instantly fell for him, and it seemed mutual.
We went for a walk staying six feet apart and wearing masks... but when I asked if he’d have dinner at my place, he was all in for it. Dinner lasted till morning. We were very passionate together.
We agreed that we’d form our own bubble (his suggestion) so we weren’t risking anyone else. We worked from our own places, then he’d sleep over several nights. I was hoping it’d last past the pandemic and we’d stay together.
But the minute I said something about “after the pandemic,” I could feel the chill. He said these were “unusual times” and it was foolish to make future plans when everything was “not normal.”
He only slept over once that week, then didn’t text me for several days till I called him. He answered but was angry, saying I was taking things too far and the bubble was over. I was very hurt.
I decided to connect more often with my smartest and strongest girlfriends to help me regain self-confidence. They helped a lot. I’ve since had some online flirtations that were just fun but didn’t get involved with anyone.
Now, suddenly, my former “bubble boyfriend” is calling and texting, asking to meet. He even apologized for the way things ended and blamed Covid for doing his head in with worries.
I miss him but don’t trust him. Should I see him again?
Contact your girlfriends again. I’m betting at least one will voice the saying, “Run, don’t walk and don’t look back.”
Your revived self-confidence should be ringing alarm bells about this guy.
Yes, Covid has caused worries and uncertainty in a lot of people... but it’s how they’ve handled relationships during the pandemic that’s revealed their character.
This guy dumped you. Wisely, you sought support to strengthen your self-worth and move on.
Keep moving till you find someone you’re absolutely sure you can trust.
FEEDBACK Regarding the wife who’s been called a cheater by her husband for an affair that occurred before their marriage (April 3):
Reader – “I'm a male and reading about her situation made my sense of something wrong start to tingle.
“While your advice was sound about working to resolve the problem, I also felt she needs to watch for escalating obsessive behaviour. Five years of her husband tracking her at the workplace is alarming to me.
“He may be feeling increasingly threatened by her success and his lack of it. Also, it sounds like her family may not be 100% behind her choice of husband, further isolating this man.
“She doesn't say if the accusations include raised voices and anger. I have zero counselling expertise so take this as you will, it just seems that too often we read of family violence and the question is always, “why did no one see it coming?”
“Think of this man sitting at home feeling inadequate and tracking his wife's movements. It worries me. There’s a male point of view for you and I’m probably over-thinking it.”
Ellie - I appreciate your presenting this view of potential danger for this woman. Though she gave no indication of fear in her letter, just reaching out may’ve been her silent signal. I’m hoping she reads this and strongly considers seeking safety and support.
Reader’s Commentary Regarding the letter-writer whose “dream” has always been to be a writer and wants the newspaper to provide funds for him/her to go to Europe and write (April 1):
“Long ago my mother was told by my elementary school teacher to “not expect big things from (me) in high school,” because I seemed disinterested. Then, in high school I discovered a passion for STEM (science, technology, engineering, mathematics).
“I graduated Engineering from an accredited University in my class’ top quarter, am now at the twilight of a very fruitful engineering career.
“I’ve registered to start post-secondary education in Law, because through engineering I’ve also discovered an interest in law (my retirement project).
“If the letter-writer genuinely had passion for writing he/she would’ve already pursued such skills enhancements/upgrades via night school or correspondence courses, or options you suggested.
“It’s time for this person to use “grey matter” and take ownership of the future.”
Tip of the day:
Don’t let Covid be someone’s excuse for having treated you badly. He/she can do it again.