I’m in my early 40s, married for 26 years to a man ten years older. We have three children (two in their 20s and one teenager) and are a tightly knit family. For some years, my husband’s been diagnosed with one of the most deadly diseases. The side effects of his treatment include serious sexual weakness. We don't see improvement ahead.

He’s tried many medications, which haven’t helped. I married very young, still look young, and need sex. I’m in a fix and he’s very troubled.

What’s the right action - divorce or staying married and cheating? Is there any sex apparel that can help? I’m sure the children will be affected very negatively by divorce. What else can I (we) do?

Desperate and Worried

With deep compassion, anyone can appreciate how difficult this is for you and the added pressure of being frightening for him. As a couple, it’s understandable for you to come to any of the decisions you raise. But it needs careful thought, as what sounds logical might have unexpected repercussions – whether it’s divorce that affects the children, or cheating that’s later a source of guilt.

You’d benefit greatly from discussing all the disease’s effects, including on your marriage, with your husband’s specialist, and with the pharmacologist who knows most about his medication and its emotional/sexual effects.

A therapist with experience in sexual counselling can help you navigate the dilemmas and stresses, and will also know about any sexual aids that can help.

This investigative path may take some time, but save a lot of extra heartache and doubts, for all.

We just moved into an apartment and love everything but one: Our upstairs neighbours.

We accept occasional noises - dogs, music, tools, etc. However, these neighbours have out-of-control children who visit every weekend.

They run and jump throughout the apartment, starting at 7am and continuing until 10pm. It causes our apartment to shake.

It's stressful to hear and makes it hard to enjoy our time off work. I understand that they’re kids and kids sometimes run around. And while I know they have the right to enjoy time with parents on the weekend, don't I also have the right to enjoy my weekend with relative peace?
We can't afford to move (or break our lease), and don't want to create friction. What’s the best way to handle this?

Noise Challenge

Neighbour issues are among the trickiest to deal with, so proceed with caution. Or you could end up with worse by retaliation, IF you handle this heavy-handedly and they’re as upset as you are about their rights.

First, check your apartment contract and municipal bylaws on the off chance anything that mentions noise applies to this situation. Considering this is running children as opposed to other offensive sounds there’s likely little mention, but look anyway.

If there are no official rules that can help you, I suggest the friendly approach – knock on your neighbour’s door and introduce yourselves as the new people just below. Do this on the weekend when the kids are there, and bring some cookies. Then mention that you both work and weekend mornings are so precious, you wonder if they can help you by keeping any running and loud noises down till a later time, like 9am. Stay pleasant throughout this appeal, and try to include the kids as listeners.

It’s a non-combative, non-confrontational start.

Hopefully, readers will have some suggestions for you from their own experience.

I have two best friends who always argue and I get in the middle. They both tell me I can only hang out with one, not the other friend, especially when they’re not on speaking terms. How can I solve this dilemma?

Stuck in Middle

You’re never too young to straighten your spine and speak up. These friends cannot control you, unless you’re letting them do so. You’re NOT “stuck in the middle,” if you refuse that position.

When one starts talking about the other, say you’re not listening, it’s not your business. When that person says you can’t be friends with the other, say that since you’re not in their argument or taking sides, you can be friends with both.

If either says you’re now no longer a friend, recognize that both think you’re weak enough to do whatever they say.

Show them they’re both wrong. Make new friends who don’t push you around.