FEEDBACK The exhausting struggles of “Marathon Mom” who’s gone back to university, and is overwhelmed with managing the needs of children, marriage, schoolwork, plus home (Oct. 25), moved two readers to share their experiences and advice:

Reader #1 – “Hats off to Marathon Mom for getting her education! She might consider taking a year or two longer, and attending night courses and/or online courses. Sanity will prevail and she’ll feel less stressed.
“I went back at 44 and got my professional designation as an accountant (5-year course). I've never looked back and, as life sometimes happens, I’m now the breadwinner as my husband’s been ill for several years.

“I, too, had two children so I took three courses a semester at night/online/correspondence and cancelled all but the most important social engagements. Weekends were for study - up at 5:00 a.m. lots of days to work on my assignments.
“It’s a tough, slightly slower path, but every step takes you closer to your goal.”

Reader #2 – “I'm in a similar situation to the engineering student. My husband’s supporting the family (four kids) on one salary.

“I’m a full-time student attending school out-of-town, I spend half the week at school, and half at home. The time spent at school is much easier than trying to do all the household chores, cooking, cleaning, shopping, and tending kids' needs in a short period of time. My suggestions:

1. Have the oldest child help make lunches the night before. The eldest helps my young ones make lunch.
2. Have the husband make dinner on some nights. Yes, he’s working full-time, but school’s a full-time job. Once monthly, I prepare and freeze a ton of meals. My husband makes dinners many of the nights when I’m out-of-town.
3. Decrease the number of children’s extra-curricular activities. My kids are only signed up for activities if I can get help from another parent to carpool. It's been a good way for my children to learn that their “wants” don't always come first.
“I think the changes that have happened in my family would’ve been much harder to make if I was living at home while attending school.

“Maybe one or two nights a week, the letter-writer should stay on campus to get school work done. In my family, there’s been a lot more appreciation of each other, all the way round.”

For years, I've supported a friend as she struggled with, and ultimately left, an unhappy marriage.

Over the summer, I felt she got unnecessarily vindictive about her daughters' time with their dad, who's a decent, if imperfect, guy.

I never expressed my discomfort but something’s changed in our relationship.

She's still pleasant when we run into each other, but shows no interest in getting together. (Several months ago, she said she needed space so I haven't initiated anything.)

I'd like to discuss it, but I'm concerned that could affect our adolescent daughters' close friendship.

My instinct is to leave well enough alone, but it feels a bit dishonest and... unfinished. What do you think?

Mulling Things

Stick with your instinct for the daughters’ sake.

People go through emotional and attitude swings during a divorce period. Sometimes they just need a break from the person to whom they told all (or too much), or from whom they may guess some judgment.

She’s experiencing a life change, which may even affect the friendship for the long-term.

It’s really about her, not you. Try to understand.

I’ve known this person as an acquaintance (we’re both in our 40's) for over ten years.
He’s very critical of me. He puts me down and makes comments about my shortcomings, which aren’t welcome, deserved, requested, or constructive.

I see him often as our kids participate in the same sports league.
Recently, he was extremely nasty and called me obsessive (wrong), nor had I done anything obsessive. My true friends said he was totally out of line.
I told him to leave me alone and not bother with me again. He apologized by email… gutless, as he could’ve spoken to me via phone or in person.
I no longer harbor anger towards him, but don’t want anything to do with someone so negative and critical.

Wondering

Nothing there to wonder about. It’s a healthy choice to avoid negative, critical people whenever possible. Be polite when thrown together but remain distant.