My husband and I married two years. During our wedding planning, my in-laws tried to control every aspect, though hardly contributed financially, or to the planning. My husband conceded to all their demands. I had to also concede through all my tears.

I’m still hurt. I cannot forgive them and I resent my husband for not respecting my wishes.

I recently learned that during our wedding planning, my father-in-law told off my mom and my sister. I now absolutely refuse to associate with my husband’s family.

He feels that he can ignore my family as well, because they shouldn't have told me what his father did.

I cannot look at my wedding pictures and whenever we argue, I remind my husband of what he did. Although he regrets it now, I feel it's too late for us to continue being together because of lack of trust.

My husband’s a great guy and a wonderful father to our ten-month-old son, but I don't know if I can get past the hurt.

Still Fuming

Talk to some single moms raising children from babies, on their own.

Ask a divorce lawyer the financial realities and custody conflicts after a split.

Both conversations should help you grow up and reconsider life with “a great guy and wonderful father.”

The wedding trauma’s in the past. Your marriage is now, and dealing as parents is for the next 20+ years. Running away from him is irresponsible…. unless you make every effort first to stay together.

Get marriage counselling together, NOW. Become a team (crucial for raising your baby) and learn joint strategies to handle family interference on both sides.

Stand together, and you’ll want to stay together.

My boyfriend’s going through a divorce (with two kids). He wants to marry me within the next three years. I’ve never been married.

I have no issues with him paying child support, but hate that he’ll have to pay spousal support, which is unavoidable.

Being kind, and caring, and feeling guilty, the likelihood of him going beyond his spousal support obligations are high (e.g. helping pay her share of a holiday she takes with the kids).

He believes she deserves a certain lifestyle.

I want to insist, "You can't give her any more money than you're legally required to," but obviously that’s crass.
I’m also concerned that he may include her in his will.

After his spousal support obligations are fulfilled, that should be the end of his finances going to her.

I want to accept his responsibilities to his existing family, but have to look out for my best interests, too (especially my retirement).

I want to say, "I won't marry you if she’s in your will.”

How do I handle these concerns?

Practical Views

Are you truly ready to marry a man with financial obligations elsewhere?

If practical concerns are your priority, then a man who helps his parents financially, or a businessman who could conceivably go bankrupt… are also candidates who’d worry you.

Make no “crass” commands. Ask if his spousal support covers a decent lifestyle or whether he’ll always feel he should fund extras. If so, can he afford these and still have a comparable lifestyle with you?

These are fair questions towards further open conversations and sharing views.

After marriage, his will should include you. However, in case of death while the children are young, he could set up funds for them, which she administers with an executor.

FEEDBACK A female perspective on online dating:

Reader – “I’d dated online, and met the love of my life through one of the popular sites.

“I never found that I was meeting too many guys who were after one thing. I find it really helped a ton to use filters as to who could contact me.

“By putting a word minimum, I could tell who wanted to invest in the time to get to know me, and who just wrote "hey" then typed in random keys to fill the rest of it up.

“Those whose messages were too generic didn't get my time either. People can lie on profiles, but a non-generic long message takes effort that most guys wouldn't take the time to do.

“By the time I met my boyfriend, I wasn't having any problems meeting great men that way. Three years later, we’re planning our future together and never been happier.”