My ex said in front of our kids, she wanted a divorce for her birthday. I talked to her later. She said things weren't going well and she thought a split was the best plan.

I suggested counseling; she refused. For our anniversary, when asked what she'd like, she replied, "I'm still waiting for my birthday present."
Now, two years later, we're legally separated and I've moved on with a lady whom I've known for many years who was also divorcing.
We're living together with her children in a happy, healthy home.
My ex however, is spitefully refusing me any direct communication with my children. They're both over 15 and apparently, legally have a say in the matter.
I'm paying full child support. I can't talk to them because my ex blocks my phone messages, emails etc.

The family members with whom I'm still in contact have said that she's bad-mouthing me before my kids constantly.

Why do courts insist we pay, when we dads who love and miss our kids have no rights to say, "I'll pay when I have access?" There's been no contact for two years.

Frustrated

Don't confuse love and money. Your love for your children is the main issue for you and, eventually for them.

While living with their mother, it's a survival decision to get along with her. Teenagers bombarded with nasty messages about their other parent, avoid conflict because they're already dealing with a difficult, volatile person.

However, you can try other ways to reach them.... e.g. through those family members. Eventually, you'll be able to send emails they don't let her see. Keep saying that you love them, miss them, and hope to see them when possible.

BUT, don't mention your support money to them. It's parents' responsibility to pay what they can and what's needed toward their children's accommodation, food, and clothing, whether living with them or apart.

This has nothing to do with your ex's nastiness, even though she's caused a painful situation for all.

My girlfriend never used to drink at all, and then starting having a glass of wine when she was out for dinner with her husband and friends. Then she divorced.

She's now dating younger men and enjoying being single again.... but she's drinking enough to be tipsy every time I see her socially. She's early-50s, and an accountant with a busy practice.

I'm one of few friends who also know her father was an alcoholic and she was very ashamed of this while growing up.

Should I tell her I'm worried she's got her father's gene for addiction, or is that too mean a wake-up call?

Concerned

The next time you find her "tipsy," just say it's surprising, since she's an accomplished woman who doesn't need to "keep up" with younger guys that way.

Be understanding that she likely feels insecure in her single role, but encourage her strong points - she's obviously attracting interested men on her own merits. If her drinking continues or gets worse, suggest she consider counseling to explore why. A therapist will certainly draw out her father's alcoholism as part of her history.

My only caveat is if you feel she's drinking even when not out socially. In that case, be direct and mention Alcoholics' Anonymous, or Al-Anon, for family and friends of alcoholics, through which she can explore her feelings about her father and how they're affecting her current life.

My husband had two sexy emails on his phone that made me suspicious. I never worried before, because we usually look at each other's messages and emails, to discuss our mutual friends.

But this time when he left the phone around, I saw this stuff was from a woman I didn't know and had never heard about.

He denied it was anything, then later broke down, and admitted he'd been caught up in sex-ting with a colleague he met on a work trip. No affair, just flirting. He begged my forgiveness. Can I believe him?

Unsure

Believe him, and forgive him.... because he confessed, and because it never happened before.

Believe that he got scared when you found this, and realized how risky his flirtation could've become. Don't snoop; just be aware. You'll know in time if there are any other changes in his behaviour that should cause you to confront him again.