My husband and I each have two kids from a previous marriage and share custody on a weekly rotation. We planned to go away for the holidays, and I checked with the kids' father way back that he had no plans because we've had past scheduling issues.

My husband booked a hotel and I just now communicated the dates to their dad. He said his parents are coming to visit then.

While I was upset that he hadn't checked with me (our agreement says we need to), I tried to work it out for the following week so that my kids could see their grandparents. But my husband insists we keep the original schedule because he holds a grudge against my ex.

He refuses to be flexible. He wants to make a point. I've also asked the kids' dad if his parents could change their plans because they should've consulted me originally.

But if they won't, my older daughter won't come with us.

In my opinion, my husband's putting his own selfish ego above the greater good. I've acknowledged that he has a right to be upset, but I just don't see what good it's doing. Do I just grin and bear it?

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

If you play by the blame game, you end up at odds with everyone involved. Try diplomacy.... now and in future. Ask your ex's parents yourself if they can make a switch because you want everyone to be satisfied, especially their grandchildren.

If that can't work, try your husband once more but not by calling him selfish. He obviously has a reason for his grudge (likely, he was disrespected in the past). If you show that you respect his feelings, these types of arrangements will go easier in the future.

Next time, firm up the actual dates way ahead.

I'm married and mother of two angels. My husband's very humble, modest. He worked with a good company in IT. I was working in accounting with a nice firm. Together we earned enough for a comfortable life.

I'd returned to work after a two-year break. I was making some money, taking care of myself, losing weight. It was all that I wanted, plus balancing well with family life.

Then, my husband's sister and brother-in-law bought an educational franchise. They have a lot of business experience and a lot of money to invest.

My husband then wanted to go into this franchise, claiming he could lose his IT position one day. He insisted I quit my lovely job. After an initial failed try at this, I didn't want to deprive him of an opportunity that may be good for us all.

We've launched the business, but I don't enjoy it - the uncertainties, the tensions, and the time demands. I don't like that two evenings every week I'm not at home till almost bedtime for my girls. I feel like a bad mother. Even when with them, I'm always thinking about business.

Please throw some light on my situation.

Lost Myself

You're NOT lost, just trying to be a "perfect" partner, mother, and businesswoman all at once. It's an overwhelming and impossible goal.

Try to parcel your time - be with the kids, or with the business - and be easier on yourself. Give this new venture at least a year to see if you can get into a rhythm, and feel comfortable personally.

After that, do a financial analysis that's objective, to see if it's worthwhile for you to continue with this or for your husband to run the venture.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose daughter-in-law makes special-occasion plans with her own family first (August 12):
Reader - "My husband and I always have this same issue - his family wants the "special occasion" and yet we also see them for many other times throughout the year, including birthdays.

"If we don't, his mother and grandmother get very sensitive, despite the fact that we already spend more time with his side of the family than mine. Now that we're contemplating starting a family, a balance and boundaries need to be put into place.
"Since our families are of different religions (which always means his family gets these "special occasions" to themselves), the compromise is that my family will get the non-religious and other religious holidays, to avoid conflict.

"On Mother's Day, if we spend the morning with mine, his will get the afternoon, and vice versa."
Been There in Brooklyn