I’m mid-40’s, happily married with two kids. I work hard as a manager in a large corporation. During the week, I try to get to the gym. But it’s mainly work, spending time with my family and helping get the kids to and from activities.
Once in a while I like to go out with some of my guy friends after work, for dinner and drinks or to a game. Because of COVID-19, we haven’t done that in ages.
Recently, I was invited to join a group of guys, two of my friends and a few of their work colleagues for a night out. We went to dinner and had a few drinks. I was ready for coffee and to call it a night when one of the guys ordered another round. I was fine with one more, but that was just the beginning.
These 40+-year-olds continued to drink like they were 18, without a thought about what was at home or their own tomorrow. I left before it got too out of hand, but heard from my friend that they closed the place down at 2am, and then went on to an after-hours club. Did I mention this was a Thursday night?
I want to hang out with my friends, but do I have to have an all-out boozer every time?
Not my mid-life crisis
No, of course not. You do you. Know your limits, know your boundaries. If you can comfortably join them for the company but maintain your own morals, then do so. If the temptation is too much or the peer pressure too strong, find other friends to go out with mid-week.
FEEDBACK Regarding the person who rescued a dog who doesn’t seem to like them (Oct. 26):
Reader – “My wife and I have been adopting rescued dogs for more than 25 years. Each one of them comes with their own backstory, but the specifics of their lives prior to arriving in our home are vague at best. Two were left outdoors, including during brutal winters. One was pregnant and sent to the chicken coop to have her pups. Another was from a puppy mill. Yet another was massively overweight, resulting in ruptured CCL tendons in both knees, needing very expensive surgery with a very long recovery and rehabilitation period.
“Our latest rescue, adopted nine months ago, came from a home of domestic violence and severe neglect. Her traumatization was less apparent than our previous rescues. Nonetheless, her recovery has been the longest: after eight months, she is finally drinking water from a bowl instead of having to put her water with her meals; she will finally let someone other than my wife take her for a walk.
“I mention these stories because when you adopt a rescue, you never know what they endured before they arrive in your home. Patience is imperative. You must accept them as they are. A big part of having a rescue dog is that you cannot expect them to respond to rigorous training. It wouldn't be fair to them. As long as they know their name, which we never change, sit when asked and come when called, we are content.
“Adopting a rescue dog is one of the most rewarding acts for you - and especially for your new family member. Make their forever home a wonderful place to live out their lives.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the gay tween whose grandparents make inappropriate comments (Oct. 17):
Reader – “The dad has to decide between these two outcomes:
1) His tolerance of his parents causes a break with his son because at some point, his son is going to feel that his dad doesn’t have his back.
2) He confronts his parents head on and risks breaking his relationship with them.
“Only he can decide which will be worse.
“It doesn't have to be overly confrontational, something as simple as, "I know you don't mean anything by your comments or "jokes", but you’re hurting my son. I’m not asking you to change who you are but I need to know you can avoid making these kinds of comments."
Reader No. 2 – “I read your column regularly but I don't recall seeing a suggestion that the concerned dad of this gay son contact PFLAG for help. The newly titled Federation for Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays does wonderful work to assist in families gaining better understanding of their gay members.”
Lisi – PFLAG was mentioned by another reader on Tuesday Nov. 8, but it’s definitely worth repeating. Thank you.