I’m a divorced father of two, who’s been seeing a woman who has one child, for two and a half years.
Everything was great between us - true love, planning to move in together, our sex life was amazing.
When we returned from a week-long trip in March, I received a text saying she’s had another boyfriend for three years. The guy’s phone number was included.
I called him and he was in shock that she was two-timing. She’d lied to us both every day for over two years and told both of us the same b.s. – “love you to death,” “move in together,” etc.
We both called her. She freaked out, denied everything, and hung up.
She called me back saying she was sorry and wanted to be with me forever. An hour later, she calls back and ends it with me because she wants to be with him.
She calls me back later again, this time telling me she wants me and that he forced her to end it with me.
Now, five weeks later, she’s back with him. I cut her off. But she also wants me back. What do I do?
I think she has serious mental issues to lie to both of us for so long.
Do I give her a chance, or do you think she’ll hurt me again?
Are you serious? I can’t start my response any other way, or my readers will lambaste me (and you, by inference) for considering any misplaced, wrong-headed, and undeserved compassion towards her.
She’s a committed compulsive liar and yes, she’ll hurt you again - him too - and anyone else (including your kids and hers).
It could take years of treatment before a therapist could help her to become honest and faithful. And it might not last.
Meanwhile, the children and you could never be sure of anything she says, does, or feels. That’s scary for you all.
I’m throwing a surprise party for my husband’s big birthday (40!).
The problem is that his brother and I haven’t spoken in five years, even though the two of them have remained close.
The crazy thing is that their mother started the problem between me and his brother, by repeating casual comments each of us had made about the other, and blowing them way out of proportion.
The only solution would’ve been for us both to out my mother-in-law as favoring her younger son (my brother-in-law) over my husband.
Neither of us wanted to hurt my husband, so we ended up having a huge falling out back then.
Since then, we’ve both been unable to get past what we heard was said by the other.
My husband was very angry with both of us when this happened, but has accepted that we just can’t get along.
I know his brother has to be invited, but I don’t know if he’ll come. I also don’t know how I’ll handle it if he shows.
You’ll handle it decently and so will he, because you’ve both been protective of your husband’s feelings all along.
But you could do even better, because you’ve seen how much you each care for your husband, and you’ve been thoughtful enough to not reveal your mother-in-law’s foolish troublemaking.
So two grown-ups like you are also capable of ending the chill and speaking to each other.
After all, whatever was said was then, this is now. You’re both bigger than this old spat.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who’s being severely controlled (April 29):
Reader – “She must leave him.
“My ex-husband isolated me from my family and friends, tried to prevent me from working, was verbally abusive, and messed with my sense of reality.
“He became physically abusive. He banned me from seeing my elderly parents.
“It took a therapist to tell me this wasn’t right. The abuse and manipulation is so insidious that when it’s happening, you cannot see it.
“I no longer knew right from wrong.
“The writer is lucky to have her sister not too far away. My family was far away.
“This control will also happen to her children, especially if she has to co-parent.
“It took me a long time to heal, but it’s possible and so worth it.
“I regret that nobody told me any of this at the time. I lived with a lot of self-anger afterwards.”
Ellie - She needs a safe exit plan. Suggestions?
Tip of the day:
Once an unrepentant compulsive liar/cheater is exposed, you’re knowingly facing drama and deception.