My husband and I like taking separate vacations. Is that bad for our children?
We married when I was 29, he was 32. By then, we’d each attended destination weddings on our own, and taken at least one annual trip with single friends.
Seven years later, we have two young children.
We’re lucky to get invited sometimes to visit friends’ cottages as a family. But it’s a lot of work monitoring the kids’ safety in strange settings, keeping them amused, cleaning up diligently so we’ll be invited again, etc.
We tried a week in the sun with a toddler and baby one winter but found it expensive, with many worries about sunburns, water safety and again, too little adult relaxation.
So, we started travelling again on our own. He goes on a golf week with the guys, and I have a Mom’s group that picks a snowbird destination for a winter week. Sometimes, we add on a special long-weekend getaway with a friend(s), for each of us.
Our children are now ages five and three. One is in Senior Kindergarten, the other in Nursery School, and there’s day-care at each location until they’re picked up.
Whichever one of us is at home partner-less, can get babysitting relief from a grandparent, for one or two nights while the other parent’s away.
Our younger child did react during my most recent absences… a meltdown at the nursery-school door, but she settled after her father left her in familiar hands.
Also, our older child was angry with his father for two days after he returned from his golf-week away.
Are we creating insecurities in our children by showing them that their parent can leave them (briefly), which affects their usual routines?
Your children are being well-supported during these one-parent absences.
However, they’re still very young.
Separation anxiety is common in youngsters (starting as early as eight-months). Some never experience it.
How a parent reacts to it plus the child’s temperament are important.
However, your approach to what’s been fairly minimal travel absences, does offer benefits too… your children get “special time” with their Mom or Dad, and the repeated reassurance that the one who’s away always returns.
I’m getting married this June. We’re not affluent but my Mom and Dad insist on paying for the reception and my wedding dress.
They’re both already driving me crazy!
The guest list now includes all our large family (my fiancé’s is smaller, fortunately).
So, they say they can only afford a buffet, though I wanted a sit-down meal.
But my Mom’s demands about the dress are more upsetting.
I’m full-busted. She wants a lace panel added to a dress I chose with a simple bodice, because she’s insisting that zero cleavage peeks out.
She also wants a long train, which I feel is over-the-top for people of ordinary means.
My fiancé’s staying out of these discussions. His parents are paying for our honeymoon.
How do I get back control of my own wedding?
Thank your parents for their offers. Go along with what you can accept. A buffet can be a very friendly atmosphere since people move around more, socialize more, etc.
Put down your foot (gently) about what you can’t accept.
Your wedding dress should make you feel your most beautiful. Discuss the best design for you with the wedding-store consultant.
Ultimately, you may have to say, “Mom, this dress is just for me, alone. I’ll only be happy if it’s the way I choose.”
I live in a small town with no women my age of my background.
I'm sensitive, a great listener, creative, generous, romantic. I'm self-employed, and will soon be receiving a family inheritance.
I have some serious health concerns and have had many challenges but came out of them well. I’ve created a unique business geared to people with challenges.
I have a relatively good family and extended family, my mother’s my best friend.
I haven't tried online dating as travel might be a challenge.
I want to marry and have a family or adopt with a woman in her 30's.
Seeking A Wife
There are specialized dating groups for specific backgrounds - Google the background you’re seeking and attend in person, it’s not online dating. (Sorry, I’m not a match-maker).
You have many attributes and it may be worthwhile for you to look farther afield e.g. move your small business to a larger town/small city.
Tip of the day:
A separate short-term vacation can benefit parents and kids, if handled supportively.