I’m 30, loved my girlfriend for six years until she slept with someone when drunk. I was heartbroken.
I refused all contact for months.
We eventually met again. She told me to talk to her or at least reply to her emails.
I was hurt, very angry. Our phone calls were brief but she kept contacting me regularly.
We met only a few times. My mother knew what was going on but never said anything. Until she asked me to help her move some furniture around.
When I arrived, she’d also invited a young woman to help. We met up as friends, only. A few months later she expressed her feelings for me.
Now we’re married. She’s highly intelligent and amazingly gorgeous.
My ex-girlfriend still calls and asks questions, such as how is my experience in marriage? And she sent me pictures of us together.
I’ve told her several times to move on. My wife knows all this, and I’m sure doesn’t like it. How do I convince my ex to move on?
Tell her that it’s disrespectful to your wife, whom you adore, to have regular contact with an ex-girlfriend.
Therefore you won’t be taking her calls, or replying to her emails, which you’d like her to stop. Tell your wife that you’re doing this.
If your ex persists, change your cell number and your email address.
“Convincing her” to move on is not your job. What’s needed is you firmly ending all communication with her.
My husband’s ex-wife won’t allow him to do anything with their young son without including her, or on her terms, though they have shared custody.
She won’t allow me to attend functions (birthdays, school functions, sports, etc.). I’d love to be present but if I ignore her demands, she’d disallow my stepson from spending time with his dad.
Or they’d argue, which isn’t fair or healthy for either parent or child.
If my husband plans something fun with his son, she wants to be included but exclude me.
They did things this way before I was in the picture.
But, I feel my stepson doesn't understand my role in his life. He enjoys the little time that we do get to spend together.
I don’t know how to help his mother understand that I’m not the bad guy.
I’m another person who loves and wants to be there for a little boy.
I don’t expect to be close friends but I want her to trust and respect me.
How can I win her over?
It takes time, plus greater input from the dad (your husband) for a controlling mother to welcome a stepmom.
Since the boy’s young, it’s apparently not that long ago since you came on the scene. She’s not going to change quickly.
Don’t be needy of the child’s appreciation… it’ll grow naturally over time, just from your being sincerely interested in him. That’s your most important role.
Your husband has to slowly bring you into the picture without pushing you there. If the boy and he are out, he can bring him home for lunch, say, with you there.
If she objects, he has to tell her that you’re there for the long-term, kind and caring but not trying to be her. If she doesn’t adjust over time, he may have to enforce their joint custody through his lawyer.
Meanwhile, do NOT try to “win her over.”
Just be polite, pleasant, and friendly when you get the chance.
My dad left our family for another woman. The small-town gossip humiliated my mother, and us all. I’m very hurt, but now that I’m starting my own family, I think my child should know his/her grandfather.
But Mom says she can never be in the same room with that woman.
The baby’s birth is the best opportunity to make the first step. Invite your father and his partner separately from when your mother’s coming to see the child.
If there’s a larger group party, AND if your father’s relationship is very recent, you’ll have to exclude him unless he’s willing to attend alone.
Explain to him that it’s too soon, and you can’t hurt your mom publicly any further. But add that you’ll have he and his lady over very soon.
Usually, over time, the joy of being with grandchildren overrides past hostilities somewhat. Eventually, they may all be able to be in the same place, for grandkids’ occasions. Work towards that.
Tip of the day:
A clinging ex can erode your partner’s trust.