It’s the end of the year and once again I find myself making excuses as to why I didn’t get a well-deserved raise or a bonus. My office has been implementing virtual conferencing and work-from-home opportunities for years, long before COVID-19. So, when March of 2020 hit, we were unknowingly well-prepared.

We lost some good people along the way, and it often fell on me to pick up the slack. I did so without hesitation in the beginning because we were all working together trying to make sense of the unknown. Our product took a hit during the pandemic so although none of us lost out on basic income, the bonuses, pluses, extras were all non-existent.

But it’s been nearly three years, we’re back on top of our game, doing better and better each month. And I know that I have been an excellent team player and an asset. Why am I not getting the kudos I deserve?

Frustrated Employee

This may be obvious, but have you asked your boss? I did some research and it turns out women ask for bonuses and raises much less than men. But here’s the good news – apparently, 80 per cent of women who do ask, get what they ask for.

So, before you give up on yourself or get stuck in a quagmire of self-doubt, talk to your boss. Tell him or her how you feel, what you want and why you feel you deserve it.

I’m of the strong belief that if you don’t ask for something, you won’t get it. And if you ask and the answer is no, then you’re no worse off than before you asked. Believe in yourself and your self-worth.

FEEDBACK Regarding the widower who has found a new relationship (Nov. 25):

Reader – “This father must be clear with his daughter, and her rude - no surprise - children, that he will not tolerate such abusive behaviour from any of them.
“The deceased mother did not decorate the house to only be a “gathering place for family.” Friends, relatives and yes, even some strangers, who may one day become friends, would surely have been welcomed by her mother.
“He does not have to explain anything to this selfish and ungrateful child. She should be happy her father has found a new partner. I would lay odds today that she neither invited him to a meal nor an evening nor cooked him one when he was alone. I am also positive that, if she brought home a new partner or a bevy of consecutive partners, she would expect her father to gladly accept them into the fold.
“While I certainly understand the loss of a mother and the issue of someone “replacing” her, this woman needs to be told to behave properly or not visit at all. Harsh, but effective. If she chooses to distance herself, he won’t be losing much since she obviously does not want his happiness.”

Lisi – I agree with your first two paragraphs. But neither of us know whether or not she cared for him, including feeding him, after her mother, his wife, passed. There’s no need to judge her harshly on information we don’t have.

Remember, everyone grieves differently, and it sounds to me as though the daughter is having a hard time with the loss of her mother.

My brother and sister-in-law and my wife and I have travelled together in the past, and we’ve had a great time. For the last few years, they haven’t wanted to travel with us. But I put it down to different schedules.

Recently, we asked them to take a trip and they indicated they couldn’t because of their schedule, but then I discovered they’ve booked a trip with another group of people just after our trip.

It’s fairly obvious we’ve been relegated to the B Team as far as travelling together.  Should I confront them? Ignore the slight? Take some other action? Or take the hint and reduce the time we spend together? That will be hard to do since we’re related.

This has happened before, and it hurts my feelings. I’m not sure what to do.

B Team member

There’s no need to put yourself down. You’ve travelled with them before, and I imagine you’ll travel with them again. You mentioned that you spend a lot of time together as a family.

Maybe they want to spend time with other friends. Maybe your sister-in-law doesn’t want to immerse herself in family.

Let it go, find other people to travel with, and enjoy your family time with them.