My husband and I threw a party for our old high-school friends, we're all 24-26, and alcohol was flowing freely.

One friend has dealt with cutting and suicide attempts. She broke down to me and another friend that she was very recently taken advantage of by a man she's known since grade school (unknown to me). She refused to say "rape," but alluded to it excessively.

I trust that she isn't a drama queen saying this for attention, but she is self-deprecating. In high school, she'd only talk about her tough experiences, when she drank. I also trust she doesn't drink often.

What do I do now? I sent her a message that I want to hang out again, and we don't need to talk about the heavy stuff, but she should find a professional to talk about what happened. She sent a self-deprecating message back, saying she'll make sure she keeps her skeletons in her closet next time we're together.

Want to Help

It's a tough spot for you as a friend, but it'll be tougher on her emotionally, if she represses this recent assault. Even if she might distance from you for awhile, you should still try to get some important messages across to her... in person.

First, say how much you respect and care about her as a person. Then, tell her it's empowering to her to report the assault - so that the guy doesn't do this to others, too - but also because it causes her to stand up for her self-worth.

Say that this is also the ideal age to get counselling - she's mature, experienced, and has a whole future ahead that can only get better with self-understanding and self-confidence.

With those messages aired, offer to accompany her to the Police, when and if she wants.

My mother, 50, has been refusing to work, cook, or be independent about anything. She says it's because life is short, she wants to enjoy it while she can.

Recently she had a hysterectomy, and both my father and I were cooking everything she loves, buying her flowers, and taking care of her. However, she constantly complains and if we don't cater to her, she gets angry and says we don't care.

When I try to bring up how she's acting, she immediately gets very angry and defensive, slamming her door and locking herself in her room, which is not unusual for her.

In my entire life, I've never heard her apologize for her own wrongdoings. My father and I are finding it increasingly harder to live with her. He works long hours six days weekly, I'm helping out around the house. It bothers me that she's not doing anything but online shopping. I'm finding it hard to respect her.

Distressed

Your father should urge her to see her doctor for a post-hysterectomy check-up, but he should also alert the doctor to her behavioural changes.

Hormonal changes post-surgery may be causing some of her different reactions, and may also have triggered a depression. Her previous tendencies like stubbornness may be exaggerated by these mood changes.

It takes some women (not all) many months to adjust physically, emotionally, and mentally to a hysterectomy. Her doctor could also refer her to a therapist who's experienced with such issues.

Let Dad lead this discussion with your mother. Meanwhile, do some research on hysterectomy and instant menopausal changes.... and try to show Mom you understand what she may be going through.

How do I approach a woman, who's 40'ish and a recluse living in my apartment building, and has a very offensive body odour? You can always tell if she's been through the hallways before you. There'll be a distinct odour that lingers a long time.

I realize it may be a medical issue and I feel very badly about it. I feel she should be told.

Delicate Matter

The personal, caring approach is to knock on her door, ask if she's all right and needs help, and comment, kindly, that there's an odour that made you worry for her health and/or her ability to clean her place.

Yet you want to be careful not to frighten this woman, who may be frail of physical and/or mental health. Look into local community agencies that do home checks on isolated people. Hopefully, a home visit could determine her situation and what's needed.