One guy on my running club team is extremely nice to everyone; I considered us to be friends.
However, he recently gave me a two-page written love letter.
It’s kind of creepy because I don't know him well, we’re only in Grade 12. He writes about my dazzling eyes, and hugging me… And how he's not satisfied with the girlfriend he already has (and is still with)!
I politely told him over Facebook that I don't share his feelings. I've been avoiding him since.
What should I do, considering I see him multiple times weekly at practice?
Be kind - polite and pleasant, with no misleading messages.
Further rejection isn’t necessary.
Unless he pursues you again, treat him like any other team member, but avoid being alone with him.
I was married to a very nice man, we had a daughter together, now age seven.
When my older daughter (from a previous relationship) turned 16, she and my husband clashed.
I was always defending her, as “just a teenager.”
I understood her resentment that her biological father wasn’t in her life. We’d separated when she was age two.
I married two years later. Initially, she loved her step-dad who treated her as his own.
By 17, she was lying and saying she had suicidal thoughts.
I finally got her seen at the youth mental health clinic and was told this was her way to manipulate me. She refused to attend sessions.
She continued lying, being disrespectful, not caring for others, not caring for her sister at all. Eventually, she ran away from home and landed at my parents’ house.
While she was gone, my husband and I separated. I moved out with my younger daughter.
My older daughter begged to move in, promised she’d help out, find herself a job, and attend school.
It’s been a year and her behaviour’s far worse.
She’s come home very drunk, lies constantly, refuses to babysit.
She was caught shoplifting at the mall but wasn’t charged. She graduated high school 18 months ago, hasn’t worked, sleeps everyday until 5:00 pm.
I don’t trust her anymore. She says that at 19 now, she can do whatever she wants. I replied she needed to pay me $300 monthly rent, to do as she pleases, or leave.
She left yesterday and I don't know where she is. I texted her to come back home and she ignored me. Did I do the right thing, or was I wrong in acting that way?
Some parents can handle the “tough love” approach, especially if their child is violent towards them or their siblings.
It seems you’re not suited to that kind of detachment, and to be fair, she’s been very difficult but not dangerous to you or her sister.
You’ve recognized yourself that she feels deep hurt at having her biological father not care about her.
Ultimately, only counselling and maturity can help strengthen her self-esteem. But your love is crucial too.
Tell her you’re her mother forever. That you’ll work with her finding a way for her to achieve independence in a way that makes her happy.
Say that going together for counselling is the key to building a better relationship between you so she can get on with her life. Stress that her graduation showed she has abilities and intelligence.
Now she needs to believe in herself, just as you believe in her, to move forward.
Then find a good counsellor as soon as possible.
My friend of 20 years has always been an attention-seeker, but his sense of humour and good nature made up for it.
However, now in his 60s, he’s become unbearable socially as he dominates all conversations. No one else can get a word in edgewise, including his spouse.
I’d already said months ago that he’s increasingly turning normal personal stories into “crisis” events.
Now I’m turned off completely and no longer enjoy his friendship. Should I say something about this problem or just end contact?
After 20 years’ friendship, you could tell him that his dominating conversations make socializing one-sided.
Or, you could wonder whether there’s an emotional or health factor involved in these patterns.
Try one more private, caring conversation about what may be going on with him.
If there’s nothing to be concerned about for his sake, then let the friendship drift apart casually since there’s no “conversing” going on anymore.
Tip of the day:
If someone reveals an unwanted crush on you, be kind, but never misleading.